How not to spoil the joint vacation with my husband

Why do I sometimes joint vacation with my husband turns into a nightmare? How not to spoil the holiday, and the relationship with her husband? A few useful tips on how to learn to relax together.

In our everyday life rarely find time to be alone with your loved ones.

When the horizon is only a couple of weeks together, having in mind the romantic babbling under the sound of the waves, two silhouetted against the sunset crimson, hot sand and cloudless sky. What more can you ask for?

Break-European

Nevertheless, the psychologists are seriously concerned. Half of the temperamental Italians after the holidays go directly to apply for divorce. In Germany, 30% of applications for divorce - the result of a joint holiday. German lawyer Mes Norbert (Norbert Mess) notes that in most cases for divorce filed by women.

A survey of the French site www.trivago.fr, which was attended by more than 5,000 people in Europe, identify the causes of disorders pairs during the holidays. 38% of French and 60% of Spaniards are called jealousy, which provokes a partner. 12% of the French consider unbearable contradictions associated with different views at your leisure. 40% of the British and the Poles called vacation quite harmonious.

The most satisfied citizens of Europe proved to be the Scandinavians: 62% of Swedes have admitted that their vacation together with your loved one, nothing can spoil.

Nowhere to run

Many of our compatriots are afraid of advance buddy, especially if in real life they do not share with the beloved shelter.

Sometimes, domestic quarrels, disputes, conflicts and grievances in the city can be reduced to nothing, just broke up in different corners of the apartment and waited critical moment. At rest the freedom and personal space is limited Double room walls. With such close proximity is no longer possible to hide something from the partner. In order not to spoil each other a long-awaited vacation, emerging issues is necessary not to gloss over, and decide together.

Happiness under duress

The psychologist from Hamburg Opashovski Horst (Horst Opaschowski) calls the forced happiness holiday together. The pair formed an ideal picture in your head a luxury hotel on the beach, paradise beach, a passionate companion. If it turns out that some of these expectations do not correspond to reality, comes disappointment, defer its mark on all the rest.

Based on its practice, Opashovski calls the main reasons for dissatisfaction: a partner is too boring, too picky, picky, inattentive. People who are together only on weekends and holidays, and now forced to spend many days alone with each other, just do not know how to behave.

Play for fun

Psychoanalyst Love Moshkova calls among the main causes of the disorder on vacation dissimilarity interests. Most women prefer outdoor activities, dancing, excursions, while the man wants to passively lie under the sun.

Tatiana, 30, admits: "When my husband and I come to the sea, I want to learn something new, to communicate with new people, go somewhere, but my husband just throws things in the room and goes to the beach, where to pull it impossible ". Otherness can be found not only in matters of leisure activities.

Many expect the stormy passions, but sometimes reality is not so rosy. In everyday life is subject to conditions sexy free time either, which is not always a lot. The vacation time there, but due to different sexual rhythms can be difficult to harmonize the intimate relationship.

If both are the same wishes, holiday will be an important step towards strengthening the vicinity. Christine, 25 years old: "Our holiday was unforgettable! Sex was mad and bright. Then we realized that really fit together, so they were closer than ever. And that we are not scared."

Excess Baggage

Often, leaving on vacation, people take with them not only the necessary arsenal. Especially business prihvatyvayut laptop and even while lying on the hot sand, answer "very important calls." But more serious are the immediate problems couples, they are transported from a city apartment to a hotel room and continue to carry them everywhere. If people are alienated from each other before the holidays, it is unlikely to happen to get close to each other, rather the contrary.

Confirmation of this - the words of Mary, 24 years old: "Shortly before leaving for the holidays we have a young man had a quarrel which eventually ruined the whole holiday for me and him. I firmly believe that all problems should be solved in advance. And before holiday We need to talk, to discuss all possible nuances, to avoid unpleasant surprises later. "

Everything goes according to plan

To holiday with loved ones was not hopelessly spoiled, we must pay attention to its planning. Even away from the office, with its corporate ethics should adhere to certain rules, namely ...

- Planning a vacation in advance. Of course, it is not necessary prishpilivat to the wall with the mode of the day time frame, but it's better to discuss a visit to Tours, cafes, discos, stay on the beach.

- Leaving the problems in the city, and is better to solve them. Holidays because so called, that we have let go, not only employers, but also to all the trouble and difficulty. Talk to each other ...

- Talk to each other. It seems so simple, but in fact, many ignore this rule, ignore discontent, sulk, and then all this results in misunderstandings, accusations of negligence. Love Moshkova and advises on holiday not to forget about compromises, to give each other.

- "Avoid too active rest, - said the French psychotherapist Christel Petikollen (Christel Peticollin). - This pastime leaves no room to be alone and get to know each other better."

- German family psychologist Christoph Uhl (Christophe Uhl), who has extensive experience in counseling couples, departing on holiday, encourages his patients to keep yourself and your loved one's personal space and time. It is not necessary to be together all the time, you can afford to relax and from a partner.

Parting after the holiday - the result is that people are tired of the routine, in a hurry to dissolve in bliss salty waves and hot sun, thinking that the permit "all-inclusive" everything is organized and put no effort is no longer required.

However, it should be remembered that the organization of holidays - a problem not only of a travel company, and two loving people who are not forced to happiness, but only allowed to be happy.

A man and a baby: the struggle for power

Our friends safely in all respects, the pair finally brought the child. It would cheer. However, appearing on shows, we found a happy young parents sitting in different corners, c sour-faced, apparently after a good quarrel.

The baby was fine, we gave him gifts, and made "gulenki" and then do brawlers. And what do we hear?

Old songs about the main thing.

Wife: "It does not help me! Come home from work, dinner - and the computer. For the kid once again will not work, and if you get up to it, and at night, with a countenance that it is better to be asleep."

Husband: "It threw me at all, only chic but hisses. I went over to his son, so she told me once:" Have you washed your hands? And you've got something wrong, it's wrong, and hands do not grow out of the place. "

I feel somehow superfluous ... "Oh, how it was familiar ... We, too, at one time it took - and somehow survived in the new situation. And now willing to honestly tell others what actually want one another man and woman, when they have a child is born. To begin with, we say that, when that happens, everything changes.

What does a man?

Simon: The young father explained everything that he is infinitely all shall: be happy, to please the expectant mother, to dissolve in the family. And how healthy male selfishness, without which man is not a man? And he simply has no place in this world of stereotypes. Of course, the man in marriage is to ensure the continuation of a sort. But not to the detriment of themselves (by the way, for women it is also true).

But in fact that comes out? When bringing home a baby, the woman in it is dissolved, and man ... is like a side. All understandable, but it is insulting. And I have to wait to have sex, and to the left - is immoral. It does not condemn society as well as conscience zagryzet. And the joy of fatherhood is poured only in disturbed sleep by whimpering and tremors in the side.

I do not know how the others, but I began to perceive the child not only as an additional burden only after two years. Before - this is just an object, on which all the shaking. But you also need to bring into the house of a mammoth that with sleepless nights not fit. In short, get one big disappointment. With the arrival of a baby in the house begins a hard thing for a guy: the redivision of the territory. This raises the question of power ...

Young father risks losing credibility rests. Baby - center of the universe, the mother - with him, and my father ... so dumb creature in the mother of the child from the category of "Come-hither-fetch". And it's a disaster! In any system, and the family is no exception, should be the center of power, otherwise the system will collapse.

The head of the family - does not mean "tyrant." This is the person to make decisions and take responsibility for them. Women need to understand that. In general, they need to understand that men do not have the hormones responsible for his father's feelings. What mothers - joy for fathers - heavy duty, and that's it.

And what does a woman want?

Marina: So be yourself, please head of the family, but do not forget that the mother of your child needs help. And that woman is worn like a wound, a man concerned about the retention of the commanding heights. This kind of children's position.

When I was pregnant, there was so much joy and pleasant conversations. And my husband belly pat, and fruit will, and listen. And after birth, that's it then, when I, weak and frightened, had his shoulder, it has become some kind of detached. Yes, doing so, it involved, but somehow ... through force or something.

Yes, I, too, was a big disappointment. But as I needed help! And not only active, but also emotionally, so sorry patted on the head, when the alarming fall into inadequate.

Another embarrassing moment. Becoming a mother, I remove her I's, on the second place: first the child's needs and whims. But I, too, want to be pampered me. That is, not only do what I ask, and that the husband he looked around at how to help, where to please - and helped, and made, and pleased.

But ... but it was not this. But the husband wanted a child. Or men want children somehow do not like us? Yes, we women buy into the advertised "family values." We watch TV shows, read magazines that tell us fool the behavior of real loving man.

We believe in these luscious images of happy young daddy! We are starting to hold out his darling of television and magazine models ... and eventually get a mismatch dreams and reality that even kicked out.

The output, however, is (to expel something never too late).

Think of the women's wisdom. Listen to your man, to understand it, something simple, something to teach somewhere to meet. Yes, it is arranged differently, and this device does not always lead us into raptures. But what to do? Patience, Girls, patience and again patience.

Authors: Marina and Simon Yastrebova