How to stop swearing and her husband (wife)

How to stop swearing and her husband (wife) about the costs of their relatives?

Cash family conflicts frequent phenomenon and the reasons for them can be a lot. And since reason can be anything you want,

then the cost of your family (mother, father, grandmother, and other loved ones) may be a stumbling block for the next major conflict.

Your partner usually does not understand why you spend so much money and so often in their own?

Why would you spend it only for his relatives, and his (her) are "overboard"?

Why do you think it is possible to operate to the detriment of his family and that's when, you can not imagine what a let because of lack of funds?

And agree, it would seem, is not possible because of the "ocean of feelings" that trigger conversations about your loved ones with whom you have so much in life is related and due to poorly expressed his own position in family life, where any talk of money into confusion and stress.

But it is necessary to solve such problems, and to solve definitely essentially without admixture of emotions and questions of identity.

So what is to be substantially?

How can you not love their loved ones, but once you got their own family, parents depart the wayside, and how mature person, you do not need constant care and attention because it appeared close to the man who took in your heart first place.

And, to be absolutely accurate, then, according to well-known psychologist M. Litvak, marriage or after marriage, the parents moved to the fourth position in your hierarchy of values, then the spouse, children, work or business in which you are engaged.

It is very often causes pain to your parents, who can not live with it, and do not want to "let go" you into adulthood. But we are now a little about it.

When you spend money on a family, you have to always have a "compelling" reason.

But very often people misjudge the situation, and attempts money to replace my love, guilt or even hide their family problems to close friends.

But it is important to understand the following: if you have a "normal" parents, they will love you for what you have and do not demand anything in return, and vice versa understand the difficulties young, or (elderly) family, and never want to be a burden to their adult children .

The only thing they want is an elementary attention and respect. And no thanks, especially in the form of money, parents do not expect from you, because they understand that what they were doing for their children, they do, first of all, to yourself!

And only "immature" parent may demand gratitude. But gratitude is born in the child as a feeling of happiness that the parents are and will be with him always as friends and partners, as a reliable shoulder to lean on is always possible.

And understanding that makes it possible to correctly assess the circumstances of life and time to help when needed. And if thanks to results in some dependence on parents and children creates a sense of guilt, and causes their parents to pay the money, it indicates that something with my parents wrong.

So, if you have "abnormal" parents, those who, unfortunately, are "stuck" in their complexes and problems, they will use your love for selfish purposes and manipulate your affection for him, cultivating your sense of guilt and making You suffer, and you pulling out money.

For those who are shocked by this, I say: yes, there are, and they are many. The only thing to keep in mind that our parents do sometimes need our help.

And the older they get, the more help they need. And the more important for you to be able to manage their costs so as to have a real opportunity to help their loved ones when it is vital.

When you have your own family, you know perfectly well that the money that is in the family, do not belong to you. Even if you do together - separate budget, and you have full control over your money, then all that I am about to say applies to you.

Money held in your hands, until you have reached financial independence, a limited resource. And any costs, including the costs of family, it is just a certain part of your budget, and it is unlikely to enjoy your "normal" parents, if by giving them everything you do will starve, or go into debt. Farther.

Such expenses must be divided clearly knowing what you buy in the normal visit to their home, what you are giving for the holidays, and the fact that you spend in critical situations.

It is clear that in the case of unforeseen situations, requiring drastic measures, such as illness, accident, we are about what it will cost you, as a rule, do not go. But in all other cases, cost management is subject to certain laws.

The formula of family happiness

In the formula of family happiness a lot of terms ... It is both simple and complicated .... But try to find a solution it is necessary - in the science of life, it is probably the most important thing! If you try to find something common to all

happy couples, it can not do without such concepts as trust, sense of responsibility, a sense of close connection, the general "we." Ask two people who love what they feel in a marriage, and those most likely to say that simply do not live vrozn.

Perhaps the couple will not be able to determine exactly why they were good together. The world of human relationship is so complex and so rich in nuances! And yet some of the secrets of marital happiness can be formulated.

1. How to live without love ?!

The main and the main condition for a lasting marriage, its foundation - the feeling of love, attraction to each other. Of course, in the affluent families are quarreling over the division of household duties, parenting and relationships with parents. But this husband and wife always feel that, despite the temporary differences, they love and appreciate each other.

Of course there are exceptions, when only one of the spouses that bears the "cementing" marriage is love. But then it must be so strong that could compensate for the lack of such feelings in the other half. And often it is a profound sense of time is able to cause an equally strong response in the soul of less generous emotions mate.

Many spouses complaining about the dysfunctional married life, forget or want to forget, deceiving themselves that have never experienced love for each other, creating a family on the basis of some other considerations. Well, they too can live life under the same roof, educate their children and grandchildren, but to be happy while they are unlikely to succeed.

2. You and dear to me so

If you use the terminology of the exact sciences, the love - a necessary condition, but still insufficient for a happy family life. Alas, there are many examples where the couple initially associated with deep feelings, as a result either costs or continued existence of habit.

What is the reason? And what's the secret of family happiness? Here's one of them: the ability to take a loved one for what it is - with advantages and disadvantages. Do not try to alter each other - it does not add joy to anyone. Especially that the disadvantages - a relative thing.

And do not be guided in their evaluations on the opinions of others. In cases of family better to trust only himself and his own half. Happy couples just distinguished by the ability to refute the generally accepted canons.

3. Trust is not checked

One of the important conditions for a happy marriage - openness and trust in the relationship. This does not mean that you must complete insight into the thoughts and feelings for each other - their "islands" must remain in the soul of everyone.

But between loved ones should not fear to confess intimate, fear of being misunderstood. Confidence that you can put the wife or husband all that you care, and you will hear nothing else, strengthens the relationship.

Openness also suggests the possibility and the ability to freely express their feelings. In addition, the happy couple just trust each other, not tormented by suspicions that they betray a difficult situation.

4. Together cheerfully to walk and think

"Madness" of the first months gradually subside, and you begin to return to normal life, with its problems and concerns. It's time to venture for a joint business - to realize the dream about the design of the apartment or something to cook for dinner together.

The main thing - to get pleasure from the communication. In the end, "the number of" family happiness depends on how interested you together. It's not just something to do together, and make decisions together.

This is, firstly, helps avoid errors, and secondly - allows you to share the responsibility, if something is still wrong. The happy marriage, husband and wife will not shift the blame on each other, and try together to cope with adversity.

The above does not preclude the need for each partner in a marriage have personal space. They are really together, but none of them fully absorbed by another, does not interfere to preserve their "I".

5. Balance you do not need

As a rule, the wife spends more time and energy for a household and raising children than their husbands. Yet it is not necessary to consider how many times you wash the dishes today, and to reproach her husband. This applies not only to home affairs but also professional success.

Loving spouses do not compete with each other and find out who is more successful. Everyone enjoys the success of others, is ready to support and give advice. In a happy marriage is a constant spiritual enrichment.

6. Ware beat worthless!

The quarrels and disagreements happen in any family. However, the quarrel quarrel discord. If two start throwing at each other, not only insulting words, but the fact that his arm will fall, you can almost certainly say that silver wedding they will not.

In a strong marriage partners are able to constructively resolve conflict. They subconsciously feel, when to stop, do not allow yourself to stoop to insults. It helps in family quarrels sense of humor.

When two people lose the ability to laugh together, to translate a joke is about the looming conflict - is a signal that their relationship has gone from something important. Now, however, loved hurt you. ... Learn to forgive. Happy are those who have this ability.