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Make jealousy assistant in building a happy family life
None of the spheres of human life is imbued with so many myths and illusions, as the sphere of family life. And in one area does not arise so much heartache and misunderstandings in the relationship between man and woman.
Let us discuss some commonplaces prejudices. Get at least the myth of androgyny and steam as the infamous "half" of each other, understanding a partner at a glance and half-sight. This representation of romantic and touching, but at the same time - the main source of family neurosis, scandals and resentment in a marriage.
Your mate should not understand what you need and what you want. He did not have to feel and anticipate desires and needs, capture the mood and thoughts. And so what would be the best "half" it was not, there is little hope that he intuitively feel that you do not like his behavior and change.
Man "knows" that the jealous - it's bad, "only letting a partner - we are bringing him to his" falls into the ambiguous situation. The inner impulse to be with someone you love, to be loved by them, gets into conflict with the social definition of "badness" of egoism generates internal conflict and as a consequence - a neurosis.
Man finds it shameful and unworthy to express their wishes and feelings, and drives himself into a trap seed, not without the help of specialists helping professions - psychologists combustion, in the books which are very reasonable and affordable explains what "true love" and that in true love there is jealousy and feelings of possessiveness like.
It may be objected: "But zeal - a desire to gain power over man, over his actions and personality."
I agree. But what's wrong with that? Manifestations of jealousy stems from insecurity, self-doubt comes from the imperfections and limitations of the human species. The imperfections of man is rooted in the idea of potentially available to each of the people perfection and omnipotence.
The desire for personal power (including over another person) is a form specifying the pursuit of perfection. The need to expand their "I", included in his his things, people around the personality elevates man above nature.
As a microcosm of the universe, a person in the process of spiritual expansion could mystically to extend their individuality to the world and to submit to his will. In order to achieve this, he must become a master of all things in it - good and evil, cruelty and mercy, are equally pleasure and pain.
The perfect man, and it is to this (one of cosmologies) seeks humanity must experience everything, and master the entire (first inner world, then outside). Recently came across the book of Alfred Adler respected me an interesting idea: "Be great! Being powerful!
This is a perpetual desire of all young and feel young. It is the eternal desire of people is an attempt to overcome the feeling of failure, insecurity and weakness. "That's it. Abandon hope all ye who enter it reading.
If you "swallow" the thought without thinking and relating to the dynamics of life itself - is the easiest way to self-abasement and limit itself as a leader and founder of family happiness. How then can these words express the will to take responsibility for another person and take over the tasks of the family with no sense of personal "nehoroshesti" and "tiranizma."
Out of fear of being branded as "jealous" fear stems take personal responsibility for what happens in the family, to claim their rights, and ultimately - to act. Jealousy sets the boundaries of the individual and the family, without which the creation of the alliance can not be paired.
Jealousy - the indicator of failure and malfunction family car. It is often necessary in times of chaos and crisis. This condition becomes problematic if the family gets stuck in it for a long time. If we are feeling there - make jealousy ally relations and family, a good friend and one of the pillars on which the marriage.
Joint life and it returns and acceptance, and this ability to give and take, to let go and stick together. Any of these conditions can be requested from the person in a given period of time. It becomes problematic if the family or the person gets stuck in it for a long time. The people, as in the days of Leo Tolstoy, who used to go to the people of wisdom, is intelligent.
Recall "Beats - means love," "Someone who loves him and that chubit." The only difficulty of application and the adoption of these rules is that the modern educated man is not so simple and innocent as his ancestors, and probably never had such a will.
For many of his contemporaries back to the paradise of simplicity and naturalness of perception of family relations is not easier than the "camel to squeeze through the eye of a needle." But there is more civilized and acceptable way out of the situation.
And they prevent us to use only domestic nonviable and irrational beliefs gleaned from our culture and upbringing. Torments of jealousy arise as a manifestation of man's inability to be honest and just say to the other person, "I love you, I'm afraid to lose you. It gives me the pain of so-and-so in your behavior."
It is simply to say - "I'm jealous of you dear (expensive)."
Thus, jealousy - a good thing, and even necessary, if applied at the right time, with respect to the particular situation and the person, and that is very important to openly and honestly.
Of course, talking about jealousy should not, as a heated alcohol vapor or a sudden splashing on our partner their grievances, accumulated for not known when. That rejection of reason and life impulses of his heart produces monsters.
It really negative examples from the life associated with the manifestation of jealousy, such as scandals, quarrels, fights, "Revenge of the same and the same place," and the like "charm" is caused by a lack of understanding and rejection of this feeling in himself, hiding from his inner eye "socially unacceptable behavior."
The problem is that the concept of "jealousy" is filled for a man in our culture, a negative value and is often synonymous with stupidity and tyranny.
This approach does not allow for the "intelligent" person to use all the positive, protective and safety that brings this feeling.
All resources to live and create in every one of us, and one of those resources is as old as the world and a true human emotion - jealousy. So - "But covet earnestly the health!"
Nicholas Eagle
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