Love comes and goes

Love comes and goes. Young family.

Two foreign person before becoming parents, becoming a family. Do you remember how it all began? It seemed that life without the other is impossible, time spent apart - lost time.

You know each other, talking about himself, forgiving each other major and minor flaws and eccentricities, hoping that with time things will change. After some time, the intensity of feeling passes rather proceeds in a slightly different stage.

This is perfectly normal, because the physiological body is not designed for long-term neuro-psychological burden. Love at first - a huge emotional outburst. And in a state of emotional outburst such person may be six months, for example, but hardly more than that.

Then the body begins to tire, and then there comes a time when people feel that the love is gone. Not that the left, and it has become commonplace, gray, mortar, broke into a way of life. In fact, love is not gone anywhere. Any relations are developing on a sinusoid: Rush - unearthly love, then recession, some rest.

If the couple find a way to survive this time of emotional recession, though they may be, in addition to everything else, and friends if they do not irritate each other, if they are interesting together if they share a common outlook on life, then love would return.

The period of oscillation of love to rest at each person, but it is estimated around for months. So it turns out that many of the young family was destroyed in the first year of marriage.

It takes the euphoria of the first feeling comes an emotional slump. Since love is gone, why suffer further if we are not going to look for another love? Many people do so. The trouble is that the other love, too, over time, come to their emotional decline.

And it also happens that when passes blinding love, people suddenly discover that they have common interests, different outlook on life: In any case, do not take the time to sever relations, better to see a family counselor, a psychologist, to understand, to what is going on, whether it makes sense and the ability to keep the family together.

Another problem for young families - different lifestyles, which are produced even in families.

Each of us has their own idea about how people behave in the family. For example, can it be considered a newspaper at breakfast? In one family, this is normal, and in the other it is a disrespect to the person sitting next to.

Two people meet and begin to live together, the husband quietly at the breakfast table reading without thinking about what he was doing something wrong. He does the same thing as usual. But his wife said that he did not respect her, despise her, etc.

What is she doing? First it gently to him as indicated, and then quite possibly start a scandal. My husband does not understand what it scream. He begins to think that his wife had a bad temper, she clings to trifles, etc. The entire first year is spent on cross-lapping.

Then start over complicated things. Who gets how much in the morning, who eats for breakfast, who where puts his toothbrush who used to like to spend money, how all this was done in the family, etc., from small things to large things.

The most important thing we have to understand that it is possible for everyone, it is possible somehow. All this is well and fine.

Another thing is that the two people who come from two different models of the family should not try to break your other half under his model, because the occupation is, to put it mildly, useless.

They should create a common model should be easy to agree on how they will eat breakfast - a newspaper or not, they will spend the money, they will rest. For some, the rest - it's wallow on the couch, and for some it is a hike.

The main thing is that the young couple must understand - everyone is entitled to their life style, that everything is good and normal.

Normal reading a newspaper at a table and do not read too normal.

They need to create a pattern of behavior that is acceptable to both of them.

Little Hymn to family and marriage

Children do not bring storks.

Each of us has a heart for nine months a woman.

She probably always a little scary, so it is very important that all these nine months by her side, and was the only man coveted.

In due time the child is born with the pain and the blood of this woman and this man agonizing wait. The woman then we call her mother and a man - the Pope.

From the very first breath, they become our parents for life.

And there is no such person in the world who would not want his parents lived together happily and would die one day.

It's always been: from century to century, from generation to generation. As time goes by, we grow and desperately seek to be more and more different from our parents.

And oddly enough, but despite the fact that each of us wants to be an individual, we all speak the same simple words: "My mom, my dad, my relatives, my family."

And probably only in the family can be fully realized eternal contradiction inherent in man - always and everywhere to maintain their individuality and at the same time feel that they belong to something whole.

We are the family of joy and pain, their victories and defeats. We want to understand and participate, spiritual comfort and intimacy. And it all links in a chain, in which a person can not and does not want to be alone.

At different times, periodically raised the question: "Do I really need to come up with a variety of challenging convention and forms of joint plaguing bytya to the man and woman have sex, bear and raise children.

After all, a lot, nature itself has taken care, just at the level of instincts. Maybe the institution of marriage was imposed by someone from outside. Or maybe it's just some ridiculous notion of humanity, which is necessary to get rid of. "

Let's leave this question open and some us think. Even in the fifth century BC, the Greek philosopher Plato proposed to make a model of the state, where traditional family life is very socialized.

That is, in Plato's society wives and husbands had to be shared. No marriages were concluded, the children never knew their fathers, for that matter, and their mothers.

Note that in the ancient world manners were quite voluntary, but even then, this model of state did not survive.

Somehow, most did not want to change the usual family life, and a small minority continued to criticize and criticize the marriage bond even more than one century. Marriage, as a form, all aging and obsolescent from age to age, but he could not become obsolete.

People regardless of age and sex, in spite of all the shortcomings and criticisms of the traditional cohabitation with perseverance maniacs like to live in wedlock, adopted at the moment in the society.

Apparently, life puts everything in its place. And marriage itself appeared extremely viable structure. Crumbling city, killed civilization, a social and political system is replaced by another, but still a man and woman looking to each other, to live together and raise children.

And maybe if kids really bring storks, is, on the one hand, would remove a huge amount of family problems, but on the other hand, people would not have been such a huge incentive to adapt and get along with each other, flexibly resolve conflicts, not to bring to the scandal, and just in a different way to look at each other.

Panfilova Natalia - a private psychologist.

How about a date with her own husband?

What is the average life of a married woman - is maneuvering between the children, household responsibilities, work.

Is there a place in this life romance?

Not much, but still it is possible to find the correct approach.

Romance in a relationship should be able to cultivate and maintain. This can help you goodbye with her own husband.

At the same time that you spend with the children, not a romantic date, and does not help to maintain the romance in a relationship.

It is important that you can find time for just the two of you. The question remains what to do with children.

If you can not hire a babysitter, ask your parents or relatives to look after them.

In addition, you can team up with friends and take care of your children two pairs at a time: one weekend - you, the second weekend - they are.

You can put the children on the weekends for 1 hour earlier than usual, thereby allocating additional 60 minutes.

Remember that a romantic date include not only dinners in expensive restaurants.

Romance can be grasped and small means, for example:

- During a walk in the park or other scenic surroundings;

- During a visit to a cozy little coffee shop;

- During a joint gathering «Puzzle» or some other board game.

No matter how often you go on a date once a week or once a month.

The main thing is a strong romantic pleasure you get from communicating with each other.

Do not forget to also use such nuances to maintain warm relations with each other in their daily lives as compliments, little surprises, flirting, treatment by pet names (that you each other invented), telephone calls and e-mails, just to find out how business and share the good news.