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| How to stop swearing and her husband (wife)
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How to stop swearing and her husband (wife) about the costs of their relatives?
Cash family conflicts frequent phenomenon and the reasons for them can be a lot. And since reason can be anything you want,
then the cost of your family (mother, father, grandmother, and other loved ones) may be a stumbling block for the next major conflict.
Your partner usually does not understand why you spend so much money and so often in their own?
Why would you spend it only for his relatives, and his (her) are "overboard"?
Why do you think it is possible to operate to the detriment of his family and that's when, you can not imagine what a let because of lack of funds?
And agree, it would seem, is not possible because of the "ocean of feelings" that trigger conversations about your loved ones with whom you have so much in life is related and due to poorly expressed his own position in family life, where any talk of money into confusion and stress.
But it is necessary to solve such problems, and to solve definitely essentially without admixture of emotions and questions of identity.
So what is to be substantially?
How can you not love their loved ones, but once you got their own family, parents depart the wayside, and how mature person, you do not need constant care and attention because it appeared close to the man who took in your heart first place.
And, to be absolutely accurate, then, according to well-known psychologist M. Litvak, marriage or after marriage, the parents moved to the fourth position in your hierarchy of values, then the spouse, children, work or business in which you are engaged.
It is very often causes pain to your parents, who can not live with it, and do not want to "let go" you into adulthood. But we are now a little about it.
When you spend money on a family, you have to always have a "compelling" reason.
But very often people misjudge the situation, and attempts money to replace my love, guilt or even hide their family problems to close friends.
But it is important to understand the following: if you have a "normal" parents, they will love you for what you have and do not demand anything in return, and vice versa understand the difficulties young, or (elderly) family, and never want to be a burden to their adult children .
The only thing they want is an elementary attention and respect. And no thanks, especially in the form of money, parents do not expect from you, because they understand that what they were doing for their children, they do, first of all, to yourself!
And only "immature" parent may demand gratitude. But gratitude is born in the child as a feeling of happiness that the parents are and will be with him always as friends and partners, as a reliable shoulder to lean on is always possible.
And understanding that makes it possible to correctly assess the circumstances of life and time to help when needed. And if thanks to results in some dependence on parents and children creates a sense of guilt, and causes their parents to pay the money, it indicates that something with my parents wrong.
So, if you have "abnormal" parents, those who, unfortunately, are "stuck" in their complexes and problems, they will use your love for selfish purposes and manipulate your affection for him, cultivating your sense of guilt and making You suffer, and you pulling out money.
For those who are shocked by this, I say: yes, there are, and they are many. The only thing to keep in mind that our parents do sometimes need our help.
And the older they get, the more help they need. And the more important for you to be able to manage their costs so as to have a real opportunity to help their loved ones when it is vital.
When you have your own family, you know perfectly well that the money that is in the family, do not belong to you. Even if you do together - separate budget, and you have full control over your money, then all that I am about to say applies to you.
Money held in your hands, until you have reached financial independence, a limited resource. And any costs, including the costs of family, it is just a certain part of your budget, and it is unlikely to enjoy your "normal" parents, if by giving them everything you do will starve, or go into debt. Farther.
Such expenses must be divided clearly knowing what you buy in the normal visit to their home, what you are giving for the holidays, and the fact that you spend in critical situations.
It is clear that in the case of unforeseen situations, requiring drastic measures, such as illness, accident, we are about what it will cost you, as a rule, do not go. But in all other cases, cost management is subject to certain laws.
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