| Table of contents
|
| 10 Commandments for mother in law
|
| Page 2
|
How to build a relationship with daughter
The conflict between the inherent nature of women. Mother hard to accept the fact that she would have to share a son with another woman. It can not be comfortable with the fact that it brought up a child, not only loves her.
She is jealous. And so the daughter seeks to various disadvantages.
"Parents do not realize how much harm they are causing to their children when using their parental authority, they want to impose their beliefs and outlooks on life."
Felix Dzerzhinsky
"If parents could only imagine how they bored their children! "
George Bernard Shaw
Coming home you ring up friends:
- Mol chose himself as the son of his wife, I could not find better! Tells him marry Maschke, no! I do not listen! And this ... And the side-law, as expected, it is pouring all that has accumulated from the time of formation of the son of his own family.
Do you recognize yourself?
What directs behavior-in-law in the sphere of confrontation with the daughter?
• Fear that love for her son would be less than that now it would be unnecessary and its "forgotten". Before your marriage, she was the only woman in the main life of the son, but after the wedding, she realizes that the "main" woman's place can be occupied.
• Position the defeated power. Anyway, the mother greatly influences the behavior of the son (or thought to affect). Now that her son goes into "possession" sister, is perceived very painful.
• Increased emotionality. The woman lives more than the heart, the emotions, so it is difficult to accept in-law that she had "robbed" of the "most expensive."
• For women, due to the biological, historical, social role of the family is always the most sense and meaning. Therefore, any reshuffle, "loss" in the family are extremely sensitive just for women.
All these moments consciously or unconsciously present in every mother in law. The conflict between the inherent nature of women. Mother hard to accept the fact that she would have to share a son with another woman.
It can not be comfortable with the fact that it brought up a child, not only loves her. She is jealous. And so the daughter seeks to various disadvantages. For the most beautiful daughter-in-law - only the mother of her grandchildren, her son's wife. This is more or less successful application to your loved ones.
Ideal relationship in this situation is not based on emotions but on mutual agreements and, most importantly, the distance.
Especially when the family appears another link connects you - the child.
To maintain a more or less equal relations enough to learn a few rules, then the daughter will go smoothly from the category of "bad" if not in the "favorite" is an extreme case of "tolerance"
1. It is no match for him.
As if you do not like his choice is the choice of your son, and we must respect it. You made him for what? That's right - for his own happiness, so let him build this happiness with the woman he chose, and you step aside after collecting all the power, do not prevent the formation of a new family, post your tips on the case when they are asked.
2. Pity son.
After a quarrel with your daughter cause it to be torn between you. How should he feel caught between two fires? You will not feel sorry for him? Many mother-in-a lifetime perceive their child as a part of yourself and do not feel the boundaries separating them. They need constant replenishment of the son of attention and care, evidence that his soul mother takes the first place.
Mom, that is you, no one will replace him. You will be the first day of his friend and counselor, and the most beloved mother in the world, where and with whom he lived. And do not be jealous of his daughter, she did not seek to get into the role of a mother to your son. Do not like a daughter, but the son of a pity!
3. "So far, so close".
Love of family is measured in kilometers. And this applies to in-law to a greater extent. Do you live nearby? Pretend that you are far away and do not bother the children regular visits. Want to see her son, bored? The most reasonable invited him to chat. Before we go to visit the children think. After the son is no longer alone, and it would be happy to visit your sister in law?
4. The role of the investigator.
How do you want him to come to the apartment and see what she made as removed as the newly made husband stroked the shirt? Surely it's not like you! Yes, and garbage is not thrown out! Slut! But if all you perfect? Ask yourself, honestly, who are we kidding here?
Yes, we admit no one is perfect. Because a daughter can forgive the flaws. But the family is just starting its way, the distribution of roles, household chores. What role do you want for yourself? Director warden or still beloved grandmother to grandchildren?
It is important to understand that this is not your family, and your garbage is not as if you wanted to. Throw themselves, and not throw their care.
It would seem that the wedding took place, children live quietly, quietly. And now comes the long-awaited moment - the new family has a new little person, your grandson! And new colors appear in relation with the daughter ...
No shows grandson, nursing does not, does not know how to swaddle, and not feed properly. You have brought up a son of experience behind them, all know. She what? Where did it, so inexperienced and stupid, can know what to do with this tiny lump? We must help, that no errors have done!
STOP! You asked about this? In human relationships, there are situations and experiences which touch them so that a person can lose control over what's happening. The birth of a baby is a situation for a young mother.
|
