10 Commandments for mother in law

5. "But we did not," "You have to like this ..."

Your advice is so categorical that are more like orders. Or maybe it is not necessary to climb tips? Her own mother, too, is far from sugar. But her remarks are not perceived as painful (it to my mother for a long time and can be used to skip past the ears), and my mother will be able to stop in time and do not bring the case before the scandal. In the end, it's her mother.

In-law it is not so simple. Remember how you were brought up son. So whether you like to listen to advice twenty or thirty years ago? Again, be honest! Of course you have a wealth of experience, a neighbor's daughter gave birth recently, so you want to prevent errors in the family of his son.

After all, you want the best way! And she, the daughter, is not listening, and even resents such-and-so. You are trying to grandson! Or maybe it right? Whether it needs your advice? She herself asked you? - no. Well, leave tips for better times to yourself.

Believe me, not get something, you ask. And that's when you have every right to tell everything. And do not ask - say - What are my kids, all are able to do all know, ah well done! And let your girlfriends jealous.

They somehow do not get out of the sandbox, and output no grandchildren imposed on them, and you, and to work and to have time to go to fitness, and soak in the bathroom, a do over so many years - young grandmother now in vogue. Which children are great! Sorry for my grandmother!

6. was out of work.

Children do not ask for help? After you have planned, canceled meetings with her friends to sit with her grandson. And you are not invited to the assistants? What is the reason? Yes, you! That you have planned, you all decided for them.

And the children strangely plans. And helping them is not required. And look closely - you cope fine. What's wrong with the daughter? Will engraved assistant - you can be sure that if your help is really needed no help will not let you, and your enemies themselves will acquire.

And not now - because after a year will need your help, but it will ask whether you have a daughter in one day (or day) you refuse? Rather find another way to not find the anger on his head. Once you are denied, other times she would not be asking. Take watchful waiting, so reliable. And read the previous tip, Rejoice, how lucky son with his wife, all she does all the time to!

7. Are you bored?

You have plenty of time to devote to his grandson, and you are not invited. Think about your boredom - that's no reason to come to the children and to stop them, they already have enough worries with the baby. And the extra time would be nice to spend the favorite, gym, in this case fits perfectly!

8. Do not touch!

Often the mother of the newborn is not very nice attention to the child by strangers. (Alas, in the number of "outsiders" can get there and some of the relatives!) From the mom, this is reflected in the unwillingness to show the baby to feed, wash and swaddle it in someone else's presence, let visitors touch the child.

In fact, so it proves quite normal instinct to protect the calf, over time it passes the state itself. However, if others do not respect the feelings of the young mother will relate to its current state as normal or ill whims - the relationship is likely to be spoiled for a long time.

Step aside, this condition will soon be mother and she will offer you ponyanchitsya with the baby, will press - on the contrary aversion and reluctance to give you the baby will grow a hundredfold and secure for years to come.

Did you like this? Unfortunately, often fall into this trap in-law. She takes particular behavior of a young mother as a personal insult. (Especially since the time of birth of offenses already can accumulate quite a few.)

Of course, it seems that everything started happening for the sole purpose - to remove it from the child. The key word here - "I think"! You are all in my head to finish, all cooked the rest of it, and to the reality of your fantasies have nothing to do.

Young mother has every right not to want to touch the baby anyone. (Especially while feeding - breast-feeding should all live without any disturbances). She has the right to decide when, how and what exactly to do with the kid when and whom to invite to visit. After all, everyone knows how to react to the arrival of guests grudnichki. Do not create a new family problems, no matter how great was the desire to cuddle your little bundle!

9. Unannounced visits.

Frequent visits cause discontent daughters-in-law to their home. One of the highlights is the time when it comes to in-law, and that is to say "surprise effect" of its parish. It is clear that the house is not always perfect order, dishes sometimes waits in the wings in the sink, and the dust - on the shelves.

Often both spouses work, and the time for a household is very small. As the saying goes, so tired, "that forces barely enough to watch TV." The couple, who live separately from their parents perceive their visit as a visit to guests (especially the daughter), and to visit the guests made ready.

Daughter in law presupposes that look "second mother" critical, not friendly-justifying. And he did this because daughter often receive a portion of morals or pursed lips.

Some of the same in-law immediately rush for a rag and begin to get out of the way if they get nasty on the floor, as they do not rub off his own hand. Of course, it is humiliating for a daughter, so can we consider it strange that she does not love a surprise visit?

10. Finally, to admit that you are the mistress of your family.

A son of the family role of mistress belongs to another woman, not you, and that's fine, and so it should be. And let their family grows and acquires its own traditions.

Be sure that all the good of your family's son has already picked his. But their family can not exactly sound like your, and should not, right?

Try more trust in-law, and can it will be not so bad?

Ilyin AP, a family psychologist.

How to stop swearing and her husband (wife)

And chief among them - "Law added value", which says that spending money you have to add value to your life. Only then you close yourself channels receipt. When you spend money on a family, you should be sure that invest in relationships and your own well-being.

What does it mean? Very simple. All you do for your loved ones, should go for them, and at the same time not to harm you. When buying, for example, household appliances parents just because they felt that "the taste of a new life" and not behind the others, you are doing wrong. Just your parents do not need anyone to throw dust in the eyes!

And instead of an electric kettle, which consumes too much power, for which they pay are not able to, they prefer to use the usual, which can be boiled on a gas stove, dispenses them cheaper, and time savings they do not need, because they will not hurry.

And besides, if you are such a technique can not afford, then you bring the victim (and not add value to your life and the lives of others), and believe me, it's not what you want from your parents.

Oh, and if you want to help, it is best to let your parents on a regular basis some of the money you can afford at the moment, and which they can spend at their own discretion on what they really need.

In this case, you plan your spending, based on the real possibilities and stop feeling guilty for something that gives a little.

What is necessary to say?

The fact that the issue is not that you give a little, but the question is to be able to properly managing money, become stronger in financial matters, and eventually be able to help more.

After marriage or marriage, you become "richer": and you have instead of one family, it becomes two, that you also should love or at least respect, because they like your husband (wife). And if you plan on spending on their relatives, do not forget to plan and others, not to offend anyone.

Other parents also need your love and respect. And this mutual love makes you really richer and stronger, because by investing energy, time and money in multilateral relations, you get a multiplier effect, you get love, multiplied many times. So, to the cost of their loved ones, should be approached wisely.

Have you ever thought about the fact that when a flight attendant on the plane introduces you to the rules of action in emergency situations, it says that the first oxygen mask is put on the mother, and then only on the child?

In the case of the role of parents mom, oddly enough, over the years, more and more is given to you. This happens because the parents as it is not sad, aging and in need of care.

So, put on an oxygen mask, it means to learn to handle money well, to be able to help financially if necessary, and become stronger over the years, to be able to help more and more often.

And if you first "will wear a mask on the baby," ie, to relatives, no one can guarantee that you have the strength "to put it on himself" and be financially strong precisely when this will be necessary.

Te approach money should be primarily reasonable. Is not that what you want from your husband or wife? And his opinion to you should not be a dead letter, for that matter, for your and your partner.

By investing time, effort and money into external relations, you should do the same with respect to the closest person to you - your spouse (wife). Because together you get stronger.

And the right attitude toward money that you develop together, forming their own family values, only helps to achieve their goals and enjoy life in all its manifestations.

So when your husband (wife) is once again trying to have "reach out", voicing complaints about excessive costs, maybe it's time to reconsider their position and helping others, and learn to help yourself?

Galina Ostrikova