10 Commandments for mother in law

How to build a relationship with daughter

The conflict between the inherent nature of women. Mother hard to accept the fact that she would have to share a son with another woman. It can not be comfortable with the fact that it brought up a child, not only loves her.

She is jealous. And so the daughter seeks to various disadvantages.

"Parents do not realize how much harm they are causing to their children when using their parental authority, they want to impose their beliefs and outlooks on life."

Felix Dzerzhinsky

"If parents could only imagine how they bored their children! "

George Bernard Shaw

Coming home you ring up friends:

- Mol chose himself as the son of his wife, I could not find better! Tells him marry Maschke, no! I do not listen! And this ... And the side-law, as expected, it is pouring all that has accumulated from the time of formation of the son of his own family.

Do you recognize yourself?

What directs behavior-in-law in the sphere of confrontation with the daughter?

• Fear that love for her son would be less than that now it would be unnecessary and its "forgotten". Before your marriage, she was the only woman in the main life of the son, but after the wedding, she realizes that the "main" woman's place can be occupied.

• Position the defeated power. Anyway, the mother greatly influences the behavior of the son (or thought to affect). Now that her son goes into "possession" sister, is perceived very painful.

• Increased emotionality. The woman lives more than the heart, the emotions, so it is difficult to accept in-law that she had "robbed" of the "most expensive."

• For women, due to the biological, historical, social role of the family is always the most sense and meaning. Therefore, any reshuffle, "loss" in the family are extremely sensitive just for women.

All these moments consciously or unconsciously present in every mother in law. The conflict between the inherent nature of women. Mother hard to accept the fact that she would have to share a son with another woman.

It can not be comfortable with the fact that it brought up a child, not only loves her. She is jealous. And so the daughter seeks to various disadvantages. For the most beautiful daughter-in-law - only the mother of her grandchildren, her son's wife. This is more or less successful application to your loved ones.

Ideal relationship in this situation is not based on emotions but on mutual agreements and, most importantly, the distance.

Especially when the family appears another link connects you - the child.

To maintain a more or less equal relations enough to learn a few rules, then the daughter will go smoothly from the category of "bad" if not in the "favorite" is an extreme case of "tolerance"

1. It is no match for him.

As if you do not like his choice is the choice of your son, and we must respect it. You made him for what? That's right - for his own happiness, so let him build this happiness with the woman he chose, and you step aside after collecting all the power, do not prevent the formation of a new family, post your tips on the case when they are asked.

2. Pity son.

After a quarrel with your daughter cause it to be torn between you. How should he feel caught between two fires? You will not feel sorry for him? Many mother-in-a lifetime perceive their child as a part of yourself and do not feel the boundaries separating them. They need constant replenishment of the son of attention and care, evidence that his soul mother takes the first place.

Mom, that is you, no one will replace him. You will be the first day of his friend and counselor, and the most beloved mother in the world, where and with whom he lived. And do not be jealous of his daughter, she did not seek to get into the role of a mother to your son. Do not like a daughter, but the son of a pity!

3. "So far, so close".

Love of family is measured in kilometers. And this applies to in-law to a greater extent. Do you live nearby? Pretend that you are far away and do not bother the children regular visits. Want to see her son, bored? The most reasonable invited him to chat. Before we go to visit the children think. After the son is no longer alone, and it would be happy to visit your sister in law?

4. The role of the investigator.

How do you want him to come to the apartment and see what she made as removed as the newly made husband stroked the shirt? Surely it's not like you! Yes, and garbage is not thrown out! Slut! But if all you perfect? Ask yourself, honestly, who are we kidding here?

Yes, we admit no one is perfect. Because a daughter can forgive the flaws. But the family is just starting its way, the distribution of roles, household chores. What role do you want for yourself? Director warden or still beloved grandmother to grandchildren?

It is important to understand that this is not your family, and your garbage is not as if you wanted to. Throw themselves, and not throw their care.

It would seem that the wedding took place, children live quietly, quietly. And now comes the long-awaited moment - the new family has a new little person, your grandson! And new colors appear in relation with the daughter ...

No shows grandson, nursing does not, does not know how to swaddle, and not feed properly. You have brought up a son of experience behind them, all know. She what? Where did it, so inexperienced and stupid, can know what to do with this tiny lump? We must help, that no errors have done!

STOP! You asked about this? In human relationships, there are situations and experiences which touch them so that a person can lose control over what's happening. The birth of a baby is a situation for a young mother.

How to stop swearing and her husband (wife)

How to stop swearing and her husband (wife) about the costs of their relatives?

Cash family conflicts frequent phenomenon and the reasons for them can be a lot. And since reason can be anything you want,

then the cost of your family (mother, father, grandmother, and other loved ones) may be a stumbling block for the next major conflict.

Your partner usually does not understand why you spend so much money and so often in their own?

Why would you spend it only for his relatives, and his (her) are "overboard"?

Why do you think it is possible to operate to the detriment of his family and that's when, you can not imagine what a let because of lack of funds?

And agree, it would seem, is not possible because of the "ocean of feelings" that trigger conversations about your loved ones with whom you have so much in life is related and due to poorly expressed his own position in family life, where any talk of money into confusion and stress.

But it is necessary to solve such problems, and to solve definitely essentially without admixture of emotions and questions of identity.

So what is to be substantially?

How can you not love their loved ones, but once you got their own family, parents depart the wayside, and how mature person, you do not need constant care and attention because it appeared close to the man who took in your heart first place.

And, to be absolutely accurate, then, according to well-known psychologist M. Litvak, marriage or after marriage, the parents moved to the fourth position in your hierarchy of values, then the spouse, children, work or business in which you are engaged.

It is very often causes pain to your parents, who can not live with it, and do not want to "let go" you into adulthood. But we are now a little about it.

When you spend money on a family, you have to always have a "compelling" reason.

But very often people misjudge the situation, and attempts money to replace my love, guilt or even hide their family problems to close friends.

But it is important to understand the following: if you have a "normal" parents, they will love you for what you have and do not demand anything in return, and vice versa understand the difficulties young, or (elderly) family, and never want to be a burden to their adult children .

The only thing they want is an elementary attention and respect. And no thanks, especially in the form of money, parents do not expect from you, because they understand that what they were doing for their children, they do, first of all, to yourself!

And only "immature" parent may demand gratitude. But gratitude is born in the child as a feeling of happiness that the parents are and will be with him always as friends and partners, as a reliable shoulder to lean on is always possible.

And understanding that makes it possible to correctly assess the circumstances of life and time to help when needed. And if thanks to results in some dependence on parents and children creates a sense of guilt, and causes their parents to pay the money, it indicates that something with my parents wrong.

So, if you have "abnormal" parents, those who, unfortunately, are "stuck" in their complexes and problems, they will use your love for selfish purposes and manipulate your affection for him, cultivating your sense of guilt and making You suffer, and you pulling out money.

For those who are shocked by this, I say: yes, there are, and they are many. The only thing to keep in mind that our parents do sometimes need our help.

And the older they get, the more help they need. And the more important for you to be able to manage their costs so as to have a real opportunity to help their loved ones when it is vital.

When you have your own family, you know perfectly well that the money that is in the family, do not belong to you. Even if you do together - separate budget, and you have full control over your money, then all that I am about to say applies to you.

Money held in your hands, until you have reached financial independence, a limited resource. And any costs, including the costs of family, it is just a certain part of your budget, and it is unlikely to enjoy your "normal" parents, if by giving them everything you do will starve, or go into debt. Farther.

Such expenses must be divided clearly knowing what you buy in the normal visit to their home, what you are giving for the holidays, and the fact that you spend in critical situations.

It is clear that in the case of unforeseen situations, requiring drastic measures, such as illness, accident, we are about what it will cost you, as a rule, do not go. But in all other cases, cost management is subject to certain laws.