My new dad

After the divorce, life does not end, and one day my mother met a man, who will become not only her husband, but the father of ... How to improve relations with the new baby daddy? How to introduce them and make friends?

Simple question, because every family that scenario develops differently.

Play an important role, and the desire of the new pope to establish relations with a child of his wife, and the tone of communication with your baby's biological father ... But if you fear the difficulties on the way to a happy family, it can not build ... But just now you are in the hands of a chance! We, in turn, suggest that you consider a number of important issues and draw attention to the subtleties of the following ...

Moment 1. Preparation

The house came "Uncle N" - the baby bristled like a hedgehog ... Alertness and anxiety when a child with his mother on his territory "alien uncle" caused by subconscious fears for her baby in the family. The applicant for her mother's hand and heart is still only horizon, and the crumb is already experiencing the fear of losing their parent fears that the "stranger" it takes.

Still would! First mom was at the disposal of the child, it is entirely owned by its attention and now, and now the place under the sun even have to share with someone ... It follows, beginning to live as a family do not send the kid to "link", for example , to Grandma. Otherwise, the child's darkest fears were confirmed ...

We do not recommend and insist on joint pastime toddler with present or future stepfather. Permissibility of the maximum - to spend leisure time all together - the child, mum, her chosen one. Do not rush things! The ice begins to melt very slowly, but in the end, two people close to you take a closer look.

And most important, for the successful start of a new and happy family life do not tune to the fact that everything is difficult, and nothing bad will come of it because "my friend Vera (Oli, Gali) was the same story" ... Remember that thoughts are material and personal experience is unique, and then - you're smart and strong woman!

Do you like her new husband and adore the child, who will be able to give the coveted "an anchor of peace", demonstrating their love does not spare time is to tenderness and affection for the baby - even if he "bristled" the main thing - reinforce the feeling that his mother did not " stolen "and remain there.

2. Moment Lapping

It happens that a woman requires the new elect almost instant love for their child or children. This is a mistake, because, first, love can not be required, and, secondly, it never comes immediately ... And then men hate claim in the style of "you must." What to do?

Rather than seek to immediately establish relations "in a real family", set short-term plans. First of all -poluchshe acquaint the child with her new husband, give them both realize that you understand their complicated feelings in this period. How is it done?

Again, often Happen out way, talking to each other, looking for an occasion for jokes and laughter -yumoru subject to the greatest difficulty! And in the native land of her husband and child connect to the joint cases - for example, cooking a family dinner - baby can wash vegetables for salad, and my father - peeling potatoes.

Mom's prerogative - to conduct dialogue and build his small team ... Gradually you can trust tandem "stepfather and child" job for two - just let this work will be easy and pleasant, for example, to buy a house in a new item, choose the cafe for birthday celebration. ..

If the stepfather will discuss the choice with crumbs and listen to his opinion - successful adaptation will go faster. And how will a pleasure to both, if the mother will approve the chosen option and with a smile praise beloved family!

3. Check the Moment

At first, the child may want stepfather exam. As if becoming a "little monster", it will be in every way, and sometimes completely gratuitously provoke a new pope - testing its resistance. The appearance of a man in a child's life can raise from the depths of his consciousness distrust of "father figure" and the fear that it may again throw.

And since the best defense - attack, some of the offspring to start without any, justification aggressively treat the chosen one of his mother. What to do?

Give your child the right to such behavior, so that he could throw out the negative margin, which was formed after his mother's, my father's divorce or the sudden appearance of "alien uncle" competitor in the mother's love. However, do not tighten during this "testing".

And to lighten the mood, convince the kid that his feelings and behavior are understood and accepted, "You hard to trust the new pope and to believe in what you are important to him. But he and I will try very much to all of us feel comfortable with . We love you no matter how good or bad you are behaving ... ".

And if you say that you understand the child, try to show him this. Do not be ashamed before the new baby's dad - even while all the educational aspects of the negative context will be as soft or in a format "mother-child alone."

Do not insult the child, comparing it with the mother or dad remembered negatively of his relatives on the paternal side. Hold the temptation to play on the contrast: never condemn a father of the child, exposing stepfather in the best light. Continue kid favorite rituals: reading him bedtime stories, kiss in the morning before going to kindergarten and so on. D.

4. Moment of Diplomacy

Epoch Comparisons may be replaced by an era of diplomacy. What to do if your child openly declares his stepfather: "My dad knows how to play football, and you - no!"?

In no case do not lose your composure and do not see in these words a challenge or threat. Wise stepfather does not take into the account the stepson or stepdaughter aggression because understands exactly would be met by any man be in his place. And he will try to prove the extent of their abilities, that the kid was lucky, because this place was exactly it.

"But I'm good at computers you want, and show you how to draw the electronic image?" Or "I know how to fish and cook delicious soup - go together on the weekends on the river?". The more alternatives to demonstrate the new pope, the more quickly adjusted his friendship with the child.

5. Moment of Status

So, in a new family everything was okay. And so the question arises: how to name the baby receiving the Pope? There is no single answer. If small children - crumbs to 2-3 years - go for it eagerly, the kids are older, especially if the warm relationship with his own father can not bring myself to use the word "dad" twice.

In this case, do not reproach the child and encourage the fact that many of today's families even own children called their parents by name. In any case, do not make a problem: the main thing in your new home is not how someone called and warm relations.

Love and friendship after birth

Very often, there is a deterioration of family relations after the birth of the child, because I was setting role of parents. Each of us can be described by a set of social roles that we perform. From a set of social roles drawn sociological portrait,

that is, a set of social roles, we can describe a person. The role of the mother assumes the responsibility for the new man.

The woman was his wife, and now also became a mother. Adjusting to the role, it can not be changed.

With the birth of the child is violated role balance.

Now a woman is much more difficult to play the role of his wife, this is no time, energy or anything.

The man became a father, he has ceased to be the only light in the box for his wife, he is deprived of the role of the child in his family, as it seems.

And here is where the problems begin. The man feels that he is treated as a functional tool for washing diapers, getting money, etc. In addition, women in particular now need emotional support and support.

Too many families are collapsing after birth, from the fact that young parents do not have the patience. The child grows up a little, my mother's hormonal balance normalizes, she finally nap.

And all would return again, if the spouses doterpit up to this point.

There are many different ways to teach a child anything else. But the easiest, easiest and fastest - is the principle of imitation.

If mom and dad say to each other thanks and please the child will do it automatically, as his parents do it.

Moreover, the child copies the style and manner of the family, he is also a life script, and copy your idea of ​​how the family should live, how to create it.

Very often there are family problems in people who grew up in single-parent family. It is much more difficult to create a life scenario, they do not have a model. Ros child with a mother, life, mother-father-child, he simply did not see.

He has some ideas on this subject, but as it comes, day by day, he did not see. No less, and perhaps even greater problems in the creation of families there in those children who grew up with my mother and with the Pope, only when people are living in one housing, but are strangers.

It is even worse, as the child becomes a model of behavior that is not necessary love in the family, good relations, etc. You can live and so.

For example, people realized that they were strangers to each other. Which is better, save for the children or the family still try to find a husband, wife and their halves, to find someone with whom you can live a full life?

If you look as follows for each of us there is this half.

People who continue to live in a marriage where there is no love, no friendship, no understanding, robbing themselves and robbing their child, because the child can not imagine what life in an atmosphere of love and understanding.

Then this child is very difficult to raise a family.