To save, you need to fall in love

When possessed fierce desire to save man (from failures, depression, selfishness or spiritual delusions), and most importantly - on the horizon appears a worthy object for salvation, not in a hurry. To start think and ask yourself a few questions.

Playing the Victim

Love, as it is known - is a willingness to sacrifice and give. Today's favorite, for example, sprained ligaments, lies in bed and groans, and after him, of course, have to make love with maternal care. But if after a while, his girlfriend "cut" with a favorite work comes his turn to serve as a "vest" and give her moral support.

What's so surprising? - Any person at a time can sometimes prove to be helpless as a child, whether to blame life's adversities, or health status, and at this moment he needs the support of a partner. And a good pair of people quickly change their roles to give temporary support to those who "weakened."

It is quite another thing when the role of the martyr and the comforter tightly secured. For example, the wife is worn for a long time with the idea to bring her betrothed to the people, and he looks for the fifth year in a "dignified and creative work" and waiting for appropriate proposals lie down in front of the TV with a beer, she left him carefully in the fridge.

Recognizable picture?

The role of the eternal mom - it's a trap. Think about whether your kindness brings joy even to someone? You most? Hardly.

Not to mention the benefit: giving more and more - and get nothing in return.

And most of the "victim" is in vain. Worse, it harms adult child, you have dedicated their lives. His irresponsibility grows in proportion to the efforts to save it. He is accustomed to the care and worse to cope with their problems, mental or worldly.

Moreover, he also begins to reproach his girlfriend sacrifice all his troubles: "If not for you, I would long ago have been the director of the bank." Yes, of course, "we are responsible for those who tamed", but there is only one salvation - to cease to be his mother.

Adopt husband

There is a stereotype of victimhood: Mother Teresa. Took care of the poor, save the weak, he makes the wounded from the battlefield. Only this model is not suitable for mutual love, implies a certain equality of partners.

And when the family appears "Mother Teresa", partnerships rapidly escalate into a relationship of mother and child. What is fraught besides emotional dissatisfaction? And the fact that nobody has been able to combine the two roles of wife and mother-in-one.

The boy-husband simply ceases to feel erotic attraction to the "mummy". So we employ subliminal ban on incest. Therefore, "Mamochkin husband" can only take on the mother-wife's care, but at the same time tries to escape from her, hiding her from his adult toys and it is cheating.

He constantly offended by the "Mummy", which does not allow him to live freely. This is not love, but a completely different genre. So think carefully: if you need a baby? And if you want, maybe it is easier to give birth than to adopt the eternal child in a tie and with a mustache.

Moms different needs?

The question arises: who is to blame in these situations? This man made the woman of his mummy - or is it her tireless care led to his immaturity? When running a vicious circle, these questions have no practical sense. Therefore, the best women wonder where I need to be a mom?

Games that are worth a stop

Sometimes you see before you is not a man, but a boy who will most likely never want to grow up. It would be good to eliminate these candidates already in the early stages of dating. But better late than never.

Here are the signs of the eternal child, that should alert you:

- Alcohol, drugs, and gambling.

- With all the girlfriends past he treated unfairly.

- Rudeness with you (at first - always a joke), threats, fights with girls in the past. Or take a look how he behaves with a waitress (not the waiter!) In the restaurant.

- Unexpected and unpredictable bouts of children's moods.

- Mood swings (eg, rage against the backdrop of tenderness).

- It is the responsibility of irresponsible at work, to monetary debts.

- He has mental problems with their own parents (for example, he remembers dear mother once in half an hour - or, conversely, for the year never mentioned about his parents).

My husband on weekends

Over the last hundred years, the institution of marriage has undergone a lot of changes. Since the marriage of church affairs taken over by the state, we had lots of options: if you want - get married, want to - divorce, you want - fictitiously,

and you want - you can even live with a lesbian from Fryazino. One can only feel sorry for the hero of Tolstoy's "Kreutzer Sonata", which is so sick of the marriage commitment that he found no way out but to kill his own wife.

That's only if we become happier with all of our new marriage opportunities? If you look closely, the global family problems that we face, not much of a change for centuries.

And in addition to the correct choice of partner for virtually every couple pressing question: how to keep the charm of the first love, do not get caught up in everyday problems? For these purposes, the smart people came up with guest marriage.

In this age of non-alcoholic beer and phone sex guest (aka extraterritorial) marriage - an alternative to traditional marriage. The concept is simple.

A man and a woman get married, but do not live together. There are a maximum of a couple of times a week. And everyone is happy: wolves and sheep, and all other animals. In addition to the permanent freshness in relationships and an optional, but not stuffed on edge because of sex, there is a guest status and such important advantage as creative freedom. Self-fulfilling as you want.

By the way, this is why this kind of relationship is very popular among bohemians. And I must say, are very strong unions. For example, a sex symbol of Kurt Russell, comprising the guest status for more than 30 years, has never been seen in any scandal. As it dries half a planet, and he - in any. Only my wife loves.

A friend of the singer's life in general Valery Leontiev lives halfway around the world, in America. And nothing, over the years, only longer love each other. "Separation - says wife - only strengthens our relationship."

So no hassle. Everyone lives as he wants. No bubbles in curlers and sweat pants. All sterile and civilized. There are no "take a walk with the dog," "wash the dishes" or "go for food." Not routine and vanity, but "holiday, which is not always with you."

But the main ideological pathos guest of marriage is that the partners to each other, "do not bother" and give each other breathe.

Try to understand what are the relations connect "guest" spouses.

So the first key word here - partners. However, this term from an economic or legal dictionary, and not of love. And the notorious guest marriage partners are subject to the mutual prestige (like married and no one "nags"). As well as suppliers of pure pleasure.

We select another key concept - "do not bother". Here, in the first place stand not feelings, and their comfort for both spouses. In fact, if you eat it every day even if it is salmon with mayonnaise, a month or a wolf zavoesh boredom: "I would like buckwheat porridge! ". It turns out that the "partner" is an analogue of food.

Imagine a recipe for happiness: "thoroughly cleaned and toasted in the solarium until golden brown husband to take three to four times per month before bedtime. It is desirable in the odd days, and in any case on Sunday. "

A permanent husband - this is such a longing! Imagine: you get up every morning and the first thing you see the same uncle. Perhaps he even shaved, snores and does not take up a seat for the toilet. And the colors are no longer presents, so-and-so. Just know yourself gushing beer and watching the telly.

What a difference when the meeting turns into an event! So it is better to see once a week. And a man who is ready for this date - shaved, waxed, and sprinkled with cologne. Down with the gray days! Or perhaps it is a way not to be disappointed in his chosen one?

Then it turns out that the guest marriage means that we are not each other "in the mountain", but only "joy." Giving each other imaginary pleasure. He - always Don Juan I - Carmen. And all this is happening exactly as long as you get bored, and not until then, until "death do us part." Until the satiety.

Generally, this is a very enjoyable game. But why call it marriage? A classic, not so trendy now married spouses poses quite stringent requirements that seem inappropriate today. There is something in these requirements is truly superhuman: it conceivable constantly someone to accept, to forgive, to support?

Do not commit adultery while? Even a little bit ... Any restriction nowadays seems rather unreasonable, when the fashion "personal growth" and "self-actualization". Therefore, can there be a marriage end? Now he is perceived more as a means to self-realization (well, or, at worst, maintain the status).

A tool that should not in any way infringe on the freedom that actually incompatible with conjugal, in the classic sense of the word, life. Frankly, the logic is quite selfish. If you follow the modern trends, it appears that everything, even married, the relationship should be functional and technological.