Unequal marriage

You're a little less or more than thirty, you're lonely and dreams of marriage. Around you are many men in your circle and age, but almost all of them are married or have steady girlfriends. Once you ask a question if you can find your soul mate among them?

And consciously or unconsciously your eye is drawn to those who are younger or much older than you? Increasingly, your eyes snatched from the crowd couples with significant difference in age. You seem to try on the opportunity to become one of them.

Once you know that a successful and rich girlfriend married her hairdresser. And remember inappropriately as you gazed at the boy waiter. At lunchtime you are browsing the internet dating sites and set the standard age man with a break of 30 years.

Wow! I think you become contender for the unequal marriage. Unequal marriage is not an uncommon phenomenon. Unlike traditional marriages it is much more likely to consist of love or some strange, at first glance, the calculation.

In a society that gradually gets used to take all, it does not cause an unhealthy excitement, but also visible in the background of other "standard" pair. Having decided on the marriage, the woman unwittingly dooms itself to an increased interest on the part of the people.

In such a marriage there are a number of pros and cons are many notable. In short, unequal marriage - a risky journey. Putting into it, I think that bears a particular inequality.

The age disparity - it is over:

Anita married her college professor 21 years. The professor was youthful, smart, elegant, drove sports cars and for five years a widow. All this makes it incredibly appealing to the female half of the university, but the professor's wife chose a young and modest student, something reminds him of his wife from cancer burnt.

Over the next eight years, Anita graduated from the institute, a PhD, opened his own business and has blossomed full-blooded female beauty. The professor said diamond jubilee and moved to the country in Sigulda. Anita secretly dreams about the child, but on the advice of geneticists decided not to give birth to her husband.

The sexual life of the spouses is increasingly eroding. To leave her husband, she can not, because the business is vested in him. The only thing that remains - sometimes tear on expensive foreign resorts and devote themselves to the work.

According to statistics, marriage with a difference at the age of 15 years and above are usually enter a woman whose age does not exceed 25 years. After 30 the likelihood of such a marriage and then decreases sharply increases after 45.

Marriage "older man" willingly accepted by society. In the minds of the people are still alive memories of the times when to give her daughter to marry the old and the rich meant to give it a decent and peaceful future.

In exchange for the well-being of the man gets the woman charged her young, healthy energy, by prolonging the life of her own. A young girl is easy to fall under the charm of a mature and experienced man. His experience and capabilities will come in handy in her own stage of development.

The position and authority of the husband is a good incentive. Young woman is committed to "grow" to become a husband and a worthy couple. Unfortunately, it often takes an involuntary competition with his first ex-wife, that only reinforces the psychological tension. If a girl looks for in a man, "the Pope", and a man is to have zhenu- "daughter" marriage promises to be quite comfortable for both.

But sex in a marriage takes a back seat as the natural rhythms of sex spouses with a difference of more than 10 years of age for the first time in the match only forties. In such a marriage there is a risk to age prematurely. If a woman is quite infantile, over the years, it becomes a "pale copy" of her husband, she looks older than his years, acquiring in common with them habits and attitudes.

I met a 25-year-old lady, who earnestly talks about the immorality of the young generation, the idea of ​​translating the elderly husband ... Economically such a marriage is usually built on the state of her husband.

Over time, this factor, plus his age become a trap for her, because she will feel indebted to him and not be able to painlessly break relations if the family ship will sink. Lack of experience with peers make divorce more frightening.

In principle, such a marriage is promising as long as a man keeps his power and authority. After the marriage takes the form of cohabitation loving each other relatives. If a man finds the strength to accept this state of affairs for the happiness of the two is possible.

After age 40 the inequality becomes almost imperceptible. Marriages concluded in adulthood promise to be stable and strong. Here, in the first place in the relations of friendship and partnership acts.

The age disparity - it is over:

In his 28 Inga finally I realized that unattractive. Friends have long povyskakivali married and some even managed to get a divorce, and her experience of intersexual communication was limited to unsuccessful romance with a married man.

She was a high school teacher, taught chemistry, a subject that has always interested in boys. Cyril was an excellent student, and more often than others detained after school, are mixed to some explosive mixture in the test tube.

At the graduation, he presented her with flowers - too big bouquet for his age and resources - and, unusually stuttering, invited to dance. They met again when he was twenty, and somehow unbeknownst to ourselves began to meet.

Then he started having problems with his parents, and he moved toward her. When he graduated, they got married. From that moment she decided to devote herself to her husband. Fired from his job ("school paid so little!") And a clock Iron-on transfer his shirt. Cyril got a prestigious job in the bank and quickly took off.

In dreams she saw herself the wife of a banker, to accompany him on business and social voyages, like as before to be his friend and sovetchitsey. One day she noticed that on the rare meeting with colleagues husband never presents her as a wife - in name only.

Then came the understanding - he is ashamed of her, her age, status, education. Inga found the strength to leave, when she learned that Cyril had another. He secured her a decent content, but never came into their house after the divorce.

Marriage, where the man is older women who are not so rare. However, the number of divorces, this category couples is in second place, behind the honorable first - only to couples with one spouse alcoholism.

Assessing the prospects of relations of family psychologist Amalia brought Basalt original formula to save the marriage, in which every year the difference ("older woman") the risk is increased by 8, 5%. In defense of marriage "older woman" is a lot of arguments.

This is usually a happy love story of great men. Alla Pugacheva and Hope Babkin, Madonna and author of the acclaimed bestseller "Sex and the City" Bushnell Kendish vying to show us the family idyll.

Let me remind you, all of these women marry young, standing on a podium star. In this position the young (and usually a little-known) as if the husband gets an additional bonus to the carefully smoothed wrinkles cosmetologists wife.

The public will forgive easily and gracefully starry divas wrecked marriage - played enough, and by the ex-husband ever will attach the label "ex-husband-so." Quite different looks the family in which women have nothing to boast of except his age.

In this case the environment will be ruthlessly and a constant feeling of an invisible competition with younger contenders to be happy to settle in her mind the fear, uncertainty, a sense of inferiority - and not for one year. When bad scenario - forever. Up to a certain point the young husband is interesting to more experienced and mature wife.

The age disparity becomes an occasion for the games in the "teacher-student", "servant and protector." The first reason for the discomfort will be her favorite film ("My God, why are you watching this old thing?"), Meeting with school friends ("these lovely starikanov") and his admiring glance after the young lady is not possible in a short skirt.

It will attempt to match it, having bought youth "belongings" and listening to his favorite music. But one day decides that it is useless to pursue the time and find the strength to take it private absences and differences of opinion. From that moment they switch roles, this time permanently.

It will begin to hold it, becoming more and more dependent. It is - to use his position and slowly move away. Time is rarely merciful to women, and losing sex appeal, the wife may lose her young husband.

Often, such a marriage ends with the young mistress or second family - on the side. Traps of this marriage - in the mother's feelings. (Which by the way, it is proved by the fact that in different age marriages rarely have children).

Women choosing a husband often feel young mothers and begin to invest in a loved power and money, voluntarily giving up a career and taking care of yourself. Sometimes the reason is the immaturity of his wife. Experiencing an irrational fear of life, they give a man the right to live and for her, secretly reveling in the thought that "he did it."

In her view, a successful husband will be for the rest grateful to her for the launch pad, and it will bask in his glory. Of course, the woman forgets to "grow" over the years, and she turns into a pretentious dreary housewife. With the success, the husband begins to weigh his wife and looking for a mate among smoothly.

Sometimes the different ages of marriage is the principle of compensation. In this case, a strong and ambitious woman takes a husband of a young man solely because of his sexual attraction or desire to dominate. Retention is due to manipulation and blackmail, skilled roles and capital.

Such a marriage can last a long time if the man initially agree with this state of affairs. But the psychological background of this marriage is completely different, the physical age of the partners are moving away into the background, giving way to role-playing games.

Therefore, psychologists have traditionally regarded such marriages in the category of socially and psychologically unequal marriages.