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To sex was a joy
"He moved it faster, then slower, and it seemed as if he had read her mind, catching the slightest her wishes even before she was conscious of them" ... How is nice when your love partner knows what you want, almost as good as you are.
But in real life, things are often not how to dream.
And when you want sex, your guy turns on his side and fell asleep, and then when you valites feet, he awakens downright irresistible sexual desire ...
Why so?
Answers to this question, perhaps, as much as there are people who would have answered. Therefore, we interviewed only a small part of humanity - psychologists, psychotherapists and just good people - that, in their opinion, affect the compatibility of sexual partners. And then a little bit to reflect on what they are told. And that's what we've got.
Svetlana, 29, a teacher:
 "I believe that sexual compatibility is impossible without emotions, without feelings. Despite the fact that in modern society, this time give less importance, however, there are quite a lot of people who do not accept a purely mechanical sex, and I perfectly understand them. " Some people, especially men, this statement may indeed seem obsolete.
But even apart from these, in their view, "high matters", it is clear that if one of the partners has some needs - for example, in the emotional coloring of sexual relations, they somehow have to be met. And if her sex her feelings are important to a partner, and it is, to put it mildly, no matter what the perfect couple and sex of the two is also unlikely to succeed.
What to do?
Try to talk with your partner on this, frankly, difficult topic. Even if this does not solve the problem, then, at least two will be more clear about what they want to do to each other.
Eugene, 38 years old, the doctor:
"What first comes to mind? Probably, a lot depends on the constitution of sexual partners. Because if these constitutions are different, then no, I'm sorry, "the unity of souls" does not help normalize in a couple of sexual relations. " And the men and women there are three types of sexual constitution - strong, medium and weak.
The holder of a strong sexual constitution need sex as often as possible, and more, and a man with a weak constitution, perhaps once a month is enough. In people with an average sexual constitution sexual needs vary widely between these types. What happens if the partners of the constitution will be different?
Let's say the husband has a strong constitution, and his wife - the weak. Then she willy-nilly will have to contain a daily, not once, gusts loving spouse, while for herself once a week - is the ideal sex life. Difficult attainable ideal - at least as long as the couple together.
What to do?
One conclusion: do not rush, and before you take drastic steps in terms of marriage, first find your favorite sexual constitution. Thus, the owners of the strong constitution of a short, stocky, hairy, with a low voice.
And this applies, oddly enough, both men and women. But people with weak sexual constitution - tall, with long legs, thin enough ... In short, those who often look like a model. It is no secret that many of them have problems with sex, but, ironically, in the past decade just such a standard of beauty is considered to be a model of sexuality.
In fact, as a rule, people with weak sexual constitution. If we define ourselves sexually Constitution do not, you can go to the sexologist. It will determine, sorry, trohanterny index you and your partner, and then many sexual problems become clear. So, and to solve them will be much easier ...
For example, in clinics carried out individual and family counseling, relating to the scope of sexual relationships. Counselling couples with problems of interpersonal relations. Family psychotherapy sexual disharmony of married couples. Consultations on the issue of infertility. Individual counseling on sexual disorders.
Elena, 34 years old, designer:
"For me, sexual harmony - this is when a couple can do what she likes, and it is equally enjoyable for both. If the husband wants anal sex, and his wife is really only tolerates, gnashing his teeth, then what kind of compatibility can there be? "
What sacrifices in a relationship with a loved person can go to store important for him or her situation? Someone does not want to tolerate anything "such" and tears relationship partner is only a hint about a new form of sex, and someone is silent even when she (he) is absolutely intolerable. Options can be very different.
What to do?
For example, during intercourse with a partner, you can begin to use a new "policy": to try such a line of conduct that will learn to get a loved one that you want, not just what, let's say he wants. And when it will ask you to do what you do not like, you are free to say "no."
The sky is the head of that just do not fall. Another question is how the right will stun your guy his vision of the real situation - multiple statements about what you think about anal sex, and all such other matters. Probably not a simple matter to any need to prepare carefully and dispense unusual for partner information ... And how you do it, it's up to you.
Oksana, 28 years old, just a good man:
"Well, if we talk about sex, for me the most important thing - to me and my partner coincided biological rhythms. For example, my first husband was an "owl", and here I am - "bird". When in the evening he began to "drive up" to me, I was half asleep and I, of course, did not want to; but in the morning it was not'll get.
Naturally, this could not last long, and I found a man with whom our rhythms are the same. " With these words, difficult to argue: against biology, of course, not arguing. And even if the partners well with each other, but they have different biological rhythms, then adjust to each other can be really difficult, and often there is something like that, what says Oksana. Therefore…
What to do?
... Is to start to try to find out for yourself who you are - "Owl", "bird" or "aritmik." To do this quite a bit, followed by her: note how easily you get up early in the morning, when you go, what time of day works best, and when, in the end, you most want to have sex.
And when you decide, it will be easier to find a partner with similar "parameters." Well, if you do not want to part with her beloved husband only because of the fact that his "clock" for a few hours on your behind, then probably nothing wrong with that, and rightly so. Even just knowing where it may be your weak area, makes you stronger. After all, knowledge is known - is power.
Maria, 33 years old, the therapist:
"In many ways, the sex may be associated with the struggle for power in the pair, it can be a such a regulator of relations between man and woman. For example, if the husband is not very much respect his wife as a mistress, and she shows it in every way, she can "take revenge" in bed, refusing husband in proximity or proving him his inconsistency. "
It is clear: if the husband and wife have not yet been agreed which of them, roughly speaking, in the family of the chief, it's showdown very soon penetrates into all other aspects of their life, including sex. Moreover, it is not necessary for a woman, for whatever reason not to her husband in the vicinity. We know the family, where everything is just the opposite. Her husband, who "it" is not particularly necessary, and (obviously, the owner of a weak sexual constitution), acts on his wife that he should not have sex with her when something "is not on it."
What to do?
Sometimes it makes sense to clarify what is really going on between you with a partner, because without this clarification of such "family war" can last many years and decades. And if you do it yourself does not always work, it is possible to use the services of appropriate specialist - marital counselor or family therapist.
Alina, 23, student:
"For me the most important thing in sex, to the way I would like to see it passed, it coincided with the fact, as I would like my husband. For example, my friend and her boyfriend like a mad, unexpected sex, when they are ten minutes do not yet know what he would happen: a kind of explosion of sexuality bursting with clothes, riding unrestrained throughout the apartment and screams, sending shudders neighbors.
But I prefer the kind words and gentle, soulful sex that lasts a very long time. " Style of sexual games and sex itself largely depends on what kind of temperament the partners. It seems that a friend of Alina and her partner in this regard differ substantially from most of Alina and her boyfriend.
What to do?
Although such couples do not always fit, if men and women could find suits both "sexy style", it can already solve many of their problems. But if each time between them will be the same, then the following statement of our respondents would be very useful ...
Oleg, 25, an artist:
"I think that for spouses were good together, they need variety. Especially for men. And if he goes "left", it only strengthens the marriage because from time to time any need to "shake up" the blood poburlila little ... "The point of view, the characteristic, in fact, not only for men. But what can I say, sometimes even psychologists advise couples to change each other for the "revival" of relations. But these tips seem to us questionable. After all, if a couple is not interesting with each other even in bed, then what kind of compatibility can speak at all?
What to do?
"They say that good sex is destroying boredom. But if both spouses - smart, harmonious and personal development, they will always be able to show each other the most different facets of his inner world, including those outside of their sex life. By learning each other with these unexpected quarters, they seemed to discover anew your wife or husband. There is a feeling that you talk a little bit with the other person, and then bored does not happen. "
Olga, 36, a psychologist.
We felt that this statement is nothing to add. We fully agree with this. Another question is how to learn to show his wife the best new, previously unknown side. It would be nice to them and very (very) notice ...
When you see the merits themselves, they at the same moment the most magically notice and others.
And then the question "what to do? "Simply does not arise, because when you're wondering to myself, you well with others. And other well with you.
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