A marriage of convenience - the pros and cons

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Marriage for love - that's fine.

But why must resign ourselves to a deliberate or humiliating poverty everyday savings, linking the fate of a man who is unable to earn decently and responsibly dispose of their belongings.

Of course, money can make life easier and more enjoyable: it is much more fun to take blagovernomu allow themselves three days in Belize than three months to argue with him about what kind of house you can afford. Besides, no one says that a person who can take away you in Belize can not be pleasing to you by itself.

But when one partner (and, incidentally, it is not necessarily male) brings into the marriage a lot more money than the other, you should not think that the other will automatically receive a ticket to the golden beaches.

"Money solves many problems, but perhaps less create themselves," - says Barbara Stan, author of "Prince Charming is not coming."

So every time you dream of a rich wife (possibly after a row with his own, again not brought the pay in a million), think about some of the difficulties that may lie in wait for you.

"The control package" - a term that is applicable in family matters.

Decision-making in the family - it is always some conflict of interest, but if your partner you are richer in 1000, whether it has its voice in 1000 times more weight when addressing issues of how to use the money or how much you can spend?

If the spouse possessive developed strongly, and you agree with the principle of "money - is power," then "a wealthy partner has more influence in the family" - says Barbara Blouin, author of "In Love and / or by calculation: the impact of large inheritance relations of man and woman. "

Money does not grow on trees

They are respectable people do - sometimes criminal way. Sometimes the status of your partner - earned or inherited - can be a source of conflict when you learn how to be "made" the money and know that these methods, from your point of view, unacceptable.

It may be objected that such things are commonly known by the time the couple walking down the aisle. Not always. Often the "family tree" of capital is not advertised, and only after a few years of marriage partner may find it possible to set the "sharp" questions - says Dr. Dennis Pyhrn, co-author of the study "Challenges of Wealth."

Or, if you are satisfied with the way of making money, you can not make a permanent absence of a spouse at home: inspired by their financial prospects and the concomitant prestige, some workaholics are just beginning to live at work.

Meet the Parents: they can become the arbiters of your fate.

If your partner has received the status of "dowry", his or her family may want to control the life of the "poor relation" and his children over the next 20 years. Terms of trust funds may include the right to choose the school where they should learn from your offspring.

And the lifestyle of the family of your spouse begins to dominate your daily existence against your will. "Lifestyle young couples usually comes under the influence of the family richer partner," - said the Pyhrn.

And it may lead you to loss of individuality. Do you not become my financial manager, honey? One way not to lose yourself in an unequal marriage - to continue to pursue their career.

However, a wealthy spouse can offer you not only to share his wealth, but also to play an active role in managing them. And you quite suddenly discover that not just married on the calculation, but must make such calculations thing in your life.

"Such a proposal could void your authority to do their work, and this is not always a pleasant surprise," - writes Pyhrn.

As a bottomless barrel

But sometimes problems with self-assertion lie in wait just a wealthy spouse who can not get rid of the suspicion that you associated with it life just for the money. This distrust, sometimes haunting a man with youth, imposes on second partner "additional moral burden" of constant demonstration of authenticity of their feelings.

The need and then convince a partner in her love for him may be tiring or annoying if you feel that you still do not believe. And if it falls on the ground distrust of other complexes, then break down these barriers becomes as hard as rock split broom.

Bad news

Prince Charming can you quit, die or go broke.

Any of these situations - a heavy blow for a woman who has put himself at the mercy of a rich husband, focusing on the family and the home. Or for working women, which is, however, provided all the revenue management family wealthier spouse.

But the rich husbands may lose their capital, to exchange his wife to a young mannequin or die before they learn better half feel financially and socially independent individuals.

So Stan advises such women to take an active part in the distribution of family income, have their own bank account and separate lines of credit, and to continue to set aside for the future, even in a time when it seems to be not required.

"Marries convenience - well, - says the expert. - But in the end it turns out that you can rely only on themselves. "

Convenient marriage - family without love

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Almost exchanged fifth decade, my friend married a Belgian. About this and significant event she shared sparingly and seemingly as an afterthought.

"Change your social status", - she said. To be honest, I thought that the girl was "showing off."

No, if you visit a registry office yet again in the sixth, seventh, it is clear that rapid delight white curtain on his head and a plain gold ring has no one cause. But first ?!

Total score - separate feelings

By long it managed to torture to extract information for consideration. With the groom "young" was familiar for ten years. They lived (and still live) in various cities. However, according to our notions, that's about as Solntsevo and Mytischi - hour drive away, but still.

So there are only half-baked wife at the weekend, following a clear timetable for visits: a week he comes, it is a week. If one of them gets sick, the other did not even hurry to bring him a cup of "Coldrex." On the contrary: most likely, will not visit, not to be infected.

A couple of times a year the young family plans to make joint travel - 2 weeks, no more. Account at the bank have one common, but really only works as a husband, and the money, unspoken agreement, "as it were owned by" him.

With the family finances sparse, but there would be nothing if it were not in the plans of the big spending - a new car, a bigger apartment and so on. N. A friend spends on her husband's money with great caution whenever asked: is it possible?

Husband, respectively, also is spending, but without any reflection and torment. From his wife, to honor to say, it hides nothing: just make known. Say, you need a suit for fifteen hundred. Or - you need to go to driving school boat ...

"Then why are you doing this?" - Outraged I warmly breathe into the phone. "And what? - Surprised girlfriend. - I'm almost forty, once people learn that I am not married and has never been, they cease to take me seriously. So, to me that something is wrong."

"But you are so far from each other: both mentally and physically!" - I try to be clever. "And I do not need, and that we were close!" "What a mess!" - You scream. And you will be wrong: in front of us is a typical example of the West convenient marriage - "convenient" marriage.

It is not a marriage of convenience, not a marriage "by aerial" and certainly not a marriage of love. What is most unpleasant, that strange and unnatural kind of family finds refuge in our country. This is probably due to the fact that we have become a country with a market economy.

When printing in the passport does not mean anything

On the other hand, and what's particularly wrong with that? People are living together to the grave, even having children, and that make every man for himself, did not tear the heart, if one of them is in trouble - so what? But all settle down and can not say that they are lonely ...

And here it is just hidden the very zhiznenapravlyayuschaya detail. People in "convenient" marriage feel completely independent and absolutely alone. Printing in the passport - just in the same case when it does not matter.

If a husband or wife would like to share my soul, they have to contact your friends (if any). Even the joy of promotion or inheritance will not receive a response in the heart of "husband" or "wife". Well, glad everything. So what?

Of course, some things that are very painful settled in ordinary families, "convenient" marriage is simply not on the agenda. It is impossible to imagine that the "convenient" wife would drive her husband at home with a rolling pin into the hands of that found out who appeared in the third hour of the night supruzhnika someone's lipstick on his jeans.

Most likely, she did not even wake up to the fact that tea is not it warm with a bagel, and even open the door! But: Is it worth a woman worried that her husband goes to the other? If he chose her, once chosen this form of existence - without passion, without ups and downs - it's probably the question of the separation is not necessary.

No, of course, and "convenient" marriage divorce cases, but not as often as in those families where flying saucers and pans. From her friends, you can hear as many stories about how "we were divorced three years ago, but I still cook bouillons his sick mother."

If you made a "friendly" marriage with you 100% guarantee will not have to experience all the delights of communication (and wars) and mother-in-law with. And your husband until the end of life and will not be cut into jokes about the wife's mother.

Fallback

Every girl who passed for 25, and the name has remained the same as at birth, she thinks about how she's going to live. Not in terms of intrigues pigweed Ivan accountant on the site and not on the subject, whether the disguise in a radically black, or just make the weave.

About her husband. About the family. About Pampers and Sunday walks in the zoo. And then she asks a question: how and with whom?

And for sure all the girls at this age there is one or two "spare option": the unloved Cavalier, which you can call in the night that drove the guests home, had a quarterly "hormonal support" or just part of the company for a family dinner to Aunt not proceeded with poison ("Everyone else has to baby carriages, and our Light all but one one!").

Cavalier such, they say, "always ready." He can, and unrequited loves you, and maybe just the last five years of experience, "tender affection."

If you succumb to the minute depression and decide to marry him to myself, "and where he go from a submarine?", Then you are likely waiting for it - "friendly" marriage.

Are you ready for it? No not like this.

Are you ready to live my life with the unloved man? Considering that the life you have only one ...





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