Kindness and rigor?

Psychologists often asked: "What would be better for the development of the child: spoiled grow in an environment of permissiveness or raised in a demanding, authoritarian environment? ".

When people asked about this Rudolf Dreikurs known child psychiatrist, he replied: "The same way you would ask me, what is better - to be hanged or shot? ".

Some of us are too kind, and some - too hard. There are those who show and kindness, and the severity of, but do not do it consistently.

Sometimes we go too lenient with our children and allow them to undignified behavior, make unreasonable actions, and at other times we become too hard to suppress their feelings of their superiority.

These methods will not achieve the desired result. There can be one line behavior. Love and certain restrictions must be balanced together in their middle line, that is in the right proportion to each other, and are directed to the correct development of the child, for his use.

We know that many of the adults who are not able to cope with their problems of life were spoiled, and spoiled as a child. It seems pretty simple to be strict and kind at the same time, but in reality it is very difficult.

The main obstacles to the embodiment of this idea is the selfish nature of man. Love for children - too egoistic desire. The man loves his children in the sequel, that he did not realize.

Why do parents indulge and spoil their children?

You can identify the following main reasons.

1. Parents spoil the child, trying to protect him from the unpleasant experiences, believing that it can prevent the appearance of his fears and feelings that do not like him. Parents know that what they do can be nice to the child at the moment, but do not realize that in the future it can bring him harm.

2. Some can not tolerate the feeling of frustration and suffering, if the child is deprived of the desired and, therefore, inferior to him. Ultimately, these parents indulge themselves.

3. Other very eager to be seen as "the best" parents, who in general can be a child. They want their child is loved and fully depended on them. And when they are inferior to the crying child, the reason may be that it is painful to see a child miserable, and what the child can count them poor and deny them their affection.

4. Many spoil their children, because they do not want to deprive them of what they themselves were deprived of in his childhood. Some are too much emphasis on the status associated with the possession of material things, and feel a sense of inferiority when they find that their child is something deprived compared with other children. For these parents is extremely important to demonstrate that they are among the best or one of the richest.

It turns out that spoiled and corruption - is the result of parents indulging their exaggerated desire to feel good and loved.

Love for a child is to its right to form and not to the currently give him anything.

Divide your behavior on the strictness and love, right to oppose one another, build a middle line between them for the benefit of the person to whom it is addressed - this is called a "love child."

Because our selfish tendencies should be continuously monitored, to be realized by us, but not to control our behavior, our reactions, preventing proper interaction with the child.

And then the upbringing of children fill us with real joy and pleasure!

Computer game - a serious matter

Computer games firmly holds first place in the ranking of software sales. Among them, preference is given to big games, which are called "virtual reality".

About computer dependence today is not only says dumb. Assessing the scale of the phenomenon, we can not help asking ourselves the question: what has an important role in human life: real life or virtual surrogate?

Computer game - not just a form of pastime, it is deeply intertwined with life, it becomes a legislator, and the root cause of reality, making its simple and intuitive order in the chaos threatening the world.

The natural course of life events increasingly giving way to find new meanings and impressions of sound effects and three-dimensional graphics. As a result, the scope of human interests is moved to where the accumulation of virtual experiences is clearly superior to the variance and coloring dull routine of everyday life.

Triumph "toy" really excites the mind and deprive him of immunity against depression and destructive invasion beginning, turning a man into a function of the algorithm of passive play games.

In parallel, the concept of "can-you can not," "good-bad" are anachronistic caricature. This gives rise to a disturbing and negative syndrome, when the lives of others in virtual space is converted into the equivalent of another "bonus" or the number of points.

However, among hardcore gamers it has a very interesting and seemingly inexplicable effects: the emergence of the network of clubs and societies, and, more recently entire social networks with real-time both the gamers, and just people who have the habit of spending free ( and non-free) time at the computer.

Departing from the reality in the virtual dimension, a person brings to their desire to communicate with their own kind, is sublimates in online hangouts where people find refuge from loneliness and depression.

In fact, the first in the subconscious, and then arrives at a conscious level understanding that communication and interaction is a way to self-realization and manifestation of the creative principle.

In other words, a person needs a person, not an avatar or a nickname network. After the transition from the real to the virtual existent reality does not relieve a person from having meaningful protection of their habitat.

On the other hand, obessmyslivanie real life makes sense to look for the subject outside of everyday life and go into a different reality where the laws of life and social interaction reaffirm their rights.

"Until we find the meaning of his existence in the material life, we will have no hope, because we - the sons of ideas" (Fruits of Wisdom).

Classic contemporary Kabbalah Baal HaSulam.

The answer to the question about the meaning of existence is appropriate in all spheres of human activity. Either way, it leads us to search for the formula of interaction between people.

Thus, even in a virtual reality world, people begin to rotate facing each other.

The secret of child education

From the first days of life of children, we try to teach them the art of communication. We want children to "play nice" and arrange for their holidays and birthdays. We are concerned as to occupy their free time, so they spent it with the maximum benefit,

and we spend a lot of money on educational games and teaching aids for them. We are pleased when other adults can appreciate the intelligence and education of our children.

But we often forget that almost every day the children have to keep the exam "for survival" among their peers - in kindergartens and schools.

If we adults are always ready to children to meet, to forgive and pity them, as between themselves, they have to "fire and sword" to fight for their rights: to request and assign, to attack and defend, to get used to the hostility on the part of their peers .

And no matter how much power we did not spend on something to create an oasis for the child of happiness and prosperity, his real life is there, beyond the walls of our house.

There, in the big world, the child immediately has to learn to play by different rules.

He sees that the success and prosperity earned lie, intrigues and brute force. But these rules have written ourselves.

Without noticing, we accustom children to the policy of double standards. Every parent says something like: "I am ready to do anything to my children was good. And it is not just good, but better than others."

This "better than others" we are slowly but consistently sawing the branch on which we sit. The children, first unconsciously and then consciously adopt the rules of the game: The world is divided into "us" and "them," and if "they" stand in the way of our interests, you are immediately outlawed. Outside of "our" law.

Needless to say, that the adverse results of this outlook we see in everyday life.

Is there an alternative?

Kabbalah argues that yes, there is, and at the same time will take into account the interests of all.

This means that regardless of affiliation to a particular group of people on social, national, religious and other grounds, every person is guaranteed respect for his vital interests.

It will be not only the letter of the law written in the constitution, but the inner aspiration of most people.

This is possible provided that all, without exception, follow the rule "Do not do to others what is hateful to you."

Suffice it to begin to stick to this rule, to see how life is changing before our eyes the better.

What about children? Children will always want to be like adults. If we, the adults start to behave in a different way, the children will immediately imitate us.

In kindergartens, schools and on the streets there will be new games in which children will learn from each other to live in a world of good.

So the best thing we can do for our children - is to start training with themselves.