Three key stages of change itself

You can completely change yourself to become the kind of person you want to be a dream. In this process, there are three key steps required.

1. Determine what you want to change or how to become.

Ask yourself: "How would you like to change?".

For example, s would you be more friendly and dynamic, more heartfelt and tender, more clearly to act, be more confident while in the collective?

How would you would you like to change, the ability of your strength of mind can help you imagine the qualities that you want to remove, and the qualities that you would like to develop.

2. Use the process of drawing up a mental script to present themselves in a new role.

This procedure is the foundation for your changes :, because you are creating for themselves alone or in nature about the same as it would make the director.

Then, again and again mentally rehearsing the role, you strengthen the reality of this new image. And you will look at yourself differently, acting in the real world, you will also act differently.

3. implement a new script to life.

Now take a new role and activities that you have created for yourself and test them in practice in real situations.

For example, if you decide you want to be more friendly, and provided that you behave well, with its employees, it does so, imagining your mental image,

as the image of a sympathetic friendly man who makes other positive reaction. The following technique is designed to help you at every stage of the process.

How to learn to manage stress

Stress management, how to manage stress

What is stress and how to learn to manage stress. How to do so as not to stress to control you, and you manage stress? What to do in a stressful situation.

According to the research of Russian and foreign scientists, the causes of stress in 70% of cases is the work and everything connected with it.

Imagine: your project is almost finished - and suddenly demolish all contingencies.

You for no reason at all offended, or worse, slandered colleagues, boss. To claim victory in the tender, higher salaries, positions, but your expectations are not met. Some of the households in need of assistance, and you are immediately sent on a business trip.

So you can transfer indefinitely. All this will inevitably impact on health. Employment and dismissal - also a kind of stress.

Stress in the translation from English - "tension", "Pressure", now by that word we mean a blow to the nervous system.

Reaction to the incident in a person usually instantaneous. The range is huge - from "thrown into a fever" to ... myocardial infarction. Constant stress can not occur in a particular disease, they are remarkably similar to chronic fatigue syndrome: low performance, passivity, irritability, lethargy, insomnia.

However, in contrast to the stress syndrome can be expressed in increased business activity. Such a person acting under the fear of defeat in the competition, participates in the race for success and wealth.

It does not leave a feeling of anxiety, that sooner or later he would be fired for any blunders that behind an imaginary opponent literally comes on the heels, that can not cope with the tasks assigned, and so on. D. And as a consequence - high blood pressure, heart attack, stomach ulcer.

Alexei Petrovich worked all my life in a large enterprise, and always was listed in the advanced workers. He worked his way from the master to the technical director of the company, won the esteem and respect. But he was constantly dissatisfied with something, worried: the task exceeded by two hundred percent - little can do more ... and so on.

And one of such sorting Alexei Petrovich had a heart attack. It lies in the factory hospital, listening to the conversations of other employees who do a lot worse, and thinks, "What am I still lacking? ".

How to do so, so as not to stress to control you, and you manage stress?

Suppose there was a conflict with the leadership. Are you trying to prove a point, but you do not want to listen to and, moreover, threaten to dismiss, if the order will not be executed. Are you sure you can not do that (a matter of principle).

The first wish - to give up the head on the table a letter of resignation, but it is not an option. Scolds about leadership, and then begin to tear himself appears grudge against the world and the unfairness of life.

To be in such dangerous thoughts. Was overcome your personal feelings in the situation will not change, and will only lead to a dead end.

First try not to flog a fever, calm down any way you can: count to ten, get to fresh air, wash or drink a glass of water, take a sedative, to smoke in the end.

Then, calmly and rationally think about the situation, not burying its head in the sand, without delving into the experiences ... Calm down? Here you have already begun and stress management, as made an effort and are willing to overcome it.

Be sure to monitor the progress of his thoughts. Do not be amiss to say to himself: "All that is done, all the better," even if everything seems to be happening a disaster.

Do not indulge in despondency.

Analyze the situation. You do not understand what is going on - demand an explanation, to draw conclusions and take action, action, action. Anyone who considers himself a loser in the end, after two or three conflicts sure they will.

It should mobilize to show strength of character. You can not focus on the question: "How did this happen? "You must find a way out. How often we hear the phrase in an emergency situation: "Do as anything! ".

I feel responsible for what is happening. Try to prove his innocence, do not select the position of the unfortunate victim: it is a losing. Based on the fact that this situation you will only benefit.

And for this we must work his head, as there is nothing stronger than reason, to subjugate the vicissitudes of pain and injustice. It is in the "storms of life is forged the character"

... In a large trading company sales fell sharply. Explain the situation could not, and the president has decided to fight back at the department of marketing and advertising. He gathered all the employees in the office and not a stone was left of their work.

But it was not taken into account that the money for advertising isolated few, proposed projects almost did not function, therefore, product very few people knew, of course, very few people bought.

After listening to the head with dignity, director of marketing and advertising said the following: "Of course, in the fall of sales is our fault. We propose the following measures .... " At this time, all the proposals were adopted by the department.

How to learn to manage stress?

Take it as a given, without losing respect for himself, it is sure to increase your ability to handle stress. It is important to understand why the "wanted the best, but it turned out ...." Our understanding of the work performed, as well as understanding of the world, unfortunately, is not perfect.

Love addiction?

In the primary analyst interviewed person usually complains about the other: on straying from the child's hand on the insensitive or unfaithful husband on bespredelschik chief, etc. Like, what to do with them, so that they have changed.

Later, it turns out that in reality the person suffers from the inability to create an intimate, warm, reliable, and based on mutual love relationship.

"Love addiction" - a combination of these words reminiscent of similar combinations, "addiction", "gambling addiction", that is certainly painful, destructive and not promising anything good condition.

In psychology there is a concept - dependent behavior. This concept, along with various types of addictions, and includes sexual and love relationship. But whether there is love or sexual attraction independent of the object of love?

Strange question, then this state of loneliness that very mythological Narcissus employment and a narcissism, or the independence of the hermaphrodite, having both male and female genitals simultaneously.

That is completely independent - it is the lack of communication with others, is the lack of love, but in the long run and life. How, then, can we resolve the contradiction between secession and unity, trying to find happiness and love?

Woman 27 years old came to see me in order to understand how to return to her husband, who left her for another woman. It is painfully experiencing the gap: "I think that after his retirement life has stopped and lost its meaning, I can not live, I can not breathe, as if I became indifferent even to his little son, and I feel guilty in front of him.

At work, I somehow still internally can gather, but scared to go home. It all reminds him. I do not even feel no anger toward him, only pain and despair. At first I did not believe that he really left me. It seemed to me that I need to somehow patience and understanding to behave, not to make his scenes, he will understand what I am good and will come back, but it took almost a year. Sometimes I had a scary thought, I can not live without it. "

I know how incredibly difficult and painful of my patient as she wants to get advice that would help her return to her husband, that all was again as before. However, in her story, I see signs that the love she feels for her husband, not love is more like an adult woman to a man, but rather a love-child's attachment to the parent.

This little baby can not survive without a mother, it is often the child the feeling that he had something bad or guilty, that he should do something, such as to correct my mother to love, if it is cold to him. Further work with the patient confirms my assumption, and gradually everything that happened between her and her husband and she is clear.

As often happens when people are not ready for a mature relationship of love, affection and dependence are very strong in these respects as if one dissolves into another, losing their sense of separate, he feels helpless without him. At one of the sessions, the patient said:

"It's strange, but now I realized that over the years, when we were together, I changed a lot. I was very independent woman before marriage, I had a lot of friends, girlfriends, we talked, there was much interest, all pleasant entertainment. But the time when I felt was very short.

When my husband and I got married, he took immediately all the care themselves, to me it was very nice, and I fully began to live only his life, gave up her job, gradually ceased to communicate with her friends, because I felt it, they bend and the most expensive I was peace in the house. And this world is completely focused on it, even the son was in the background, I just thought that he was not irritated father.

And what anguish I felt when he was detained at work, or leaving on a business trip ... It is each time was "little death." Now I understand what I am sensitive, I want to be free again. But I feel that I should call him and say that he loves me and wants to come back, I know that once again will be ready to do anything he was there. "

Many familiar like the feeling when already know that you're depending on the relationship with the other person so much that you lose yourself, but feel that it is not able to resist, any power within themselves to change their behavior and their lives. This was even the apostle Paul said in the Gospel message:

"I Do not do what you want, but what I hate, that I do. If I do that, I would not, no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. " Romans 7, 15-20. (The word "sin" in Greek means "false action").

This self-understanding is already the first step to get rid of the addiction. But the main goal of psychoanalytic treatment - this is the resolution of the internal conflict. To a man found not only understanding their mistakes, but also the ability to live as he really wants to.

To all life does not become a repetition of sinful error. Dependence of women as well as the dependent man is not necessarily a lifetime suffering and unrequited loves someone one, rather the contrary. Such a person may not be time to get involved in a new object, always his passion seems to him the sole and final. (case)

Scripts love relationships. That every time played each different, recognize their own is not easy, and even more so to see the reasons for his dependent behavior of this scenario, the next step is even more difficult - not to repeat the scenario.

If you are not from their own experience, so watching from the side, you will surely notice how people over and over again in my life plays the same loving relationship, as if his life has some kind of rock. (Story).

My other patient was 36 years old came to see me after her doctor desperate to help her and advised to seek help from a therapist. She was constantly sick headaches, disorder of the autonomic nervous system, problems with the pancreas, pain in the joints ....

The list of her complaints is constantly growing, it has passed all possible examinations, procedures and pills have helped a very short time, regularly went to the clinic for the treatment of neurosis, but it did not save. Come to me, it is a long habit of complaining about health and only later began to talk about how she painfully lonely.

Her husband was killed in a car accident ten years ago, and she was not conscious of the fact remained in love addiction from him all these years. She could not, as it was then realized "to let him go." She herself had it not clear, therefore, that the years with him were not happy.

"I am close to him I felt absolute zero. And every year he behaved more indifferent to me, We have a long time did not have a sexual relationship, but I do not like at all, I have always considered myself unattractive, and was grateful that he took me to his wife. I even know his mistresses, but somehow all suffered.