Learn to value yourself is not difficult

Everyone knows that you need to understand ourselves, to love and respect. Everyone knows that if you do not accept and do not love yourself, you can not accept and love the other person. Everyone knows that if you do not respect yourself, you can not respect the other person.

But to truly accept, respect and love yourself is not that at all. Many of us in one way or another are dissatisfied with themselves, with their individual qualities or the results of its own activities. Psychologists call this phenomenon of low self-esteem.

A doctor of psychology Mirzakarim Norbekov in his book "The Experience of the fool, or the key to enlightenment" says about this: "low self-esteem - is the cornerstone of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, failure ... it's the most terrible destructive power, is death. Hatred - is poison. A person who hates himself, hates, and others. "

Why do not we know how to value yourself

Our self-esteem is formed mainly under the influence of assessments that give us other people, that is, we tend to view themselves as we think, we estimate around. This is especially true for children.

Very young children are not able to analyze their own activities, their self-esteem completely depends on how they assess adults.

In addition, throughout the life we ​​regularly compare the image of his real "I" (ie, what we are actually) with the image of an ideal "I" (ie, what we want to see yourself). And if our real "I" is inferior to the ideal, our self-esteem is underestimated.

At the same time we do not think that the image of our ideal "I" may be too "perfect," or our real "I" is not enough "real", and as a result are constantly in a state of dissatisfaction with himself.

"You are always inventing, thumb sucking out the reason for dissatisfaction" - says about Norbekov. Low self-esteem in action when our self-esteem is not justified understated, we do not expect success from their own activities, we are more trying to avoid failure.

And even if all of a sudden we can achieve a positive result, all the credit we ascribe to external factors (ease of the task, luck, and so on. D.). But discontent is only getting worse.

A vicious circle: we can not succeed because it is unhappy and dissatisfied we are because we never manage to achieve success.

"Our thoughts are material," - says Norbekov.

Therefore, "when you believe that you are a great man, you know that you are the most beautiful woman in the world that you are a man that is necessary, then the appearance and behavior, and the results of all your efforts will meet the inner state."

Those self-esteem low, should not despair and let life take its course.

Output is always there. "As long as you are alive, it is still possible!" So say the courses on self-healing system of Man, developed Norbekova.

Hence, self-esteem can improve. The courses are taught how to do it: "Make yourself a gratitude for what you have. You can always find what to praise myself." Easy to say. How to create it? It turns out very simply.

"Every time you look in the mirror, smile and say to yourself:" Created by God as a beauty! . "In addition, again with a smile constantly repeat to yourself:" I am very healthy, I'm the happiest I most ...! ".

Just before to proceed with the allegations, determine what qualities you will assert itself. All course participants perform such a task "in the column" written all of his negative qualities (from which they want to get rid of), and through the "dash" close their positive (those who want to buy instead).

For example:

laziness - an effort of will;

pessimism - optimism;

greed - generosity, and so on. d.

But that is not all.

After that will perform the following task - to write "in line" not less than 40 (!) Of their own positive qualities.

The problem, I tell you, is not easy. Moreover, the need to constantly supplement your list, opening up a more and more "pluses". "On the move" these jobs, of course, is not satisfied. We need to sit and think well.

People with low self-esteem is especially difficult to cope with the second. But even if to reflect and to seek out the positive qualities in themselves that they turned 40, we have for a long time, the result is recorded on paper, pleasantly surprised.

I, for instance, precisely defined for myself that I am beautiful, clever, erudite, charming, independent, kind, sympathetic, sociable, friendly, responsible, honest, active, sexy ...

And you?

Elena Kozlova

Reliable protection from hurtful words

Hurtful words confront us every day when we are least prepared for them. Critical attacks are varied and defy classification. It seems that the worst quality seen in people everywhere: at peak times, in line, at work and at the festive table.

Hurtful words confront us daily - often when we least ready for it. And, it seems, are everywhere: on the road during rush hour, when people are shown the worst quality; in line when we end the patience; at work and at the festive table, where people considered rude almost permitted.

Critical attacks are so diverse that defy classification. Here and "light", daily injections (congratulations, finally!), And such resentment when it gets dark in the eyes ("I see you're busy with what you do best - eat again"). Sometimes words just give insensitivity.

Gathering her courage, the son told his mother that his wife left him, and the answer was: "How long is it going." It is believed that in the family, we can hide from the world. And in fact, the relatives say to each other such that they never would have said a stranger, often adding excuse: "You know, I say this because I love you."

One woman recalled how once, when she was 12, she stood before the mirror and her mother suddenly said: "Do not worry, dear. If the nose is still to grow, it will be possible to have an operation. " Until that day, the girl and had no idea that she is not an ideal nose.

Particularly "good" veiled insults, which are called "constructive criticism", although they do not have any relation to it. They are easily recognizable by the accompanying phrases, such as "I hope I can speak to you frankly," or "I'm telling you this for your own good."

It turns out that you have to almost admire the sincerity of criticism and assess its care, while you hardly come to himself after hitting the pit of my stomach.

Defending himself against insults, easy to be in a vicious circle of attacks and counter-attacks. Fortunately, there are ways to fend off the oppressor, not dropping his dignity.

The next time you will become a target of criticism, try our advice.

1. Try to understand.

Anyone who criticizes the other, often very crowded offense. If you can not understand what is really bothering you offended person, ask him about it. Remember offense is not always intended for you personally.

Look at the situation from the outside and look for the cause. The waitress was rude to you, not because what you tell her something did not like - just on the eve of her favorite cast. The driver of "undercutting" you, does not want to annoy you - he is in a hurry to the sick child. Pass it forward, keep it. Trying to understand those whose words hurt you touched, you will suffer more easily offended.

2. Analyze said.

In his book "The subtle art of verbal self-defense" Suzette Haden Elgin offers expanded offended you comment on the parts and to answer the unspoken rebuke, not Sacrifice. For example, hearing "if you loved me, you would have lost weight", you can answer this way: "How long have you decided that I do not love you? "

3. Turn to face the abuser.

Resist the abuse is not easy. It helps, in particular, straightforwardness. Remove the negative charge, for example, this question: "why do you need something to hurt me? "Or" Do you realize how may be perceived these words? "

You can also ask the person to clarify the meaning of the comments: "What do you mean? "Or" I want to check if I understood you correctly? "As soon as your critic feels that his game is solved, it will leave you alone. After all, when you were caught red-handed, it is very embarrassing.

4. resort to humor.

My friend once had to hear: "You have a new skirt? In my opinion, a cloth upholster chairs. " She did not lose her and said, "Well, sit down on my knees."

The mother of my friend for life jealously watched over the purity of the house. One day she found her daughter cobwebs and asked, "What is this? "" I spend a science experiment, "- retorted daughter.

The best weapon against abusive criticism - laughter. Witty answers will help you to cope with almost any offender.

5. Think symbol.

One woman told me that her husband criticized certainly in humans. Then she began to carry a small towel and whenever husband told her something offensive, cover head with a towel. He was so ashamed that he got rid of his bad habits.