What is the offense and how to cope with it

You will learn:

What is the offense? What is its mechanism? And why some people are more easily offended, others - less? What is the reason? But, nevertheless, some easier to offend, and others - more difficult. Is not that so?

And how to explain that some people easier to accept his own wrong, and the other - a sharp knife? And how to deal with it?

What is the offense? What is its mechanism?

Resentment - a mixture of aggression facing the inside and outside. The most agonizing component of any offense, when, they say, hooked - this is when you realize that the offender's rights. And the more this component - the stronger and hurt. Roughly speaking, do not hurt us, we offend themselves.

We are offended by the fact that unconsciously agree with some quasi-bad deed (or judgment) in the address. The less offended component of aggression, facing inward, the less it - hurt, and the more - namely aggression, depressed and clear desire to "fight back."

And why some people are more easily offended, others - less? What is the reason?

All touchy. Just all its Sensitive (sensitive) point, its "theme." Offend can be striking a person is in a place in which is concentrated the largest number of "nerves", relatively speaking.

In the "subject" in which he himself had the maximum number of confusion, uncertainty and questions to himself. As they say, the word "bastard" can only hurt the person who is unsure of his mother.

But, nevertheless, some easier to offend, and others - more difficult. Is not that so?

This is true, but only partly. On the one hand, the more a person "oproblemlen", the easier it is to offend, because more likely to get into the sensitive spot: they are simply a lot. On the other hand, those who seems thick-skinned may actually not at all are not.

Just "a" touchy learned a style or mode of behavior (whether it is related to the parent family, a way of life, and later experiences, native - not important), and "less" touchy - learned another. And the big question is, who are less touchy in fact - one who readily express their feelings, or - the one who is afraid of "losing face" does not show them and saves.

In the second case, a just resentment can stay with a person for a long time - because even he himself does not admit that he feels

And how to deal with it?

The most simple and effective way, if not completely free from resentment, then, at least, to weaken it - to express their feelings. At least - to admit to myself, "Yes, I'm offended," and try to figure out what is so badly hooked?

As a maximum - should express the hurt and the offender himself. Unfortunately, this method is usually difficult to achieve. And how to explain that some people easier to accept his own wrong, and the other - a sharp knife? With the recognition of injustice - exactly the same thing.

It would not be quite right to say that some people are easier to recognize his own wrong, and the other is heavier. All hard to admit his own wrong, "tied" to some of these sensitive topics. The painful topic for the person, the harder it was to her to behave appropriately.

And if you realize that you made a certain carelessness, rudeness, or was wrong - is your theme or is a person associated with this theme, then just to be polite and well-mannered, easy to apologize. Because this action is not related to us with some difficult internal step, almost a feat.

As for feats, here, of course, there are heroes. But few of them, as in war. The most important and most painful to admit they were wrong only a few are capable. This requires real courage.

My world (the world of understanding)

Madly I want to, I want at least sometimes, that people understand you without words, just understood and did not ask. Just looked into your eyes and knew. Do not mistake because that "the eyes - a mirror of the soul."

So you want your soul to someone knew !!! I dream about it and find myself thinking, and whether or not I want it? No, well, a little bit of understanding can not hurt anyone, that's for sure. Checked own experiences.

But absolute understanding - this is too much. It's like, if ever there was a day or night, or rain, or snow, or something that everyone likes in this life. This could turn into a nightmare. It is always good - it's not very good! Although there is a way. What?

We need to come up with the remedy, so to speak, "an absolute understanding" were not permanent, but temporary, ie it arises only when we want it. Then it would be very nice and easy to live with. Why is that?

Yes, if only because it can not be a full understanding of the fact that we often do not understand themselves. Yes, I do not understand their desires, thoughts and actions. Admit it, it is. Silly, you say? Not at all.

It is very interesting to observe yourself, your thoughts in the mind, the soul, the heart. They are so changeable, unique, fleeting and dissolving as the morning mist over the river and you need to get them to remember to think and then give them to the world, the universe, everything, all people, and especially the most expensive and loved.

Learn to value yourself is not difficult

Everyone knows that you need to understand ourselves, to love and respect. Everyone knows that if you do not accept and do not love yourself, you can not accept and love the other person. Everyone knows that if you do not respect yourself, you can not respect the other person.

But to truly accept, respect and love yourself is not that at all. Many of us in one way or another are dissatisfied with themselves, with their individual qualities or the results of its own activities. Psychologists call this phenomenon of low self-esteem.

A doctor of psychology Mirzakarim Norbekov in his book "The Experience of the fool, or the key to enlightenment" says about this: "low self-esteem - is the cornerstone of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, failure ... it's the most terrible destructive power, is death. Hatred - is poison. A person who hates himself, hates, and others. "

Why do not we know how to value yourself

Our self-esteem is formed mainly under the influence of assessments that give us other people, that is, we tend to view themselves as we think, we estimate around. This is especially true for children.

Very young children are not able to analyze their own activities, their self-esteem completely depends on how they assess adults.

In addition, throughout the life we ​​regularly compare the image of his real "I" (ie, what we are actually) with the image of an ideal "I" (ie, what we want to see yourself). And if our real "I" is inferior to the ideal, our self-esteem is underestimated.

At the same time we do not think that the image of our ideal "I" may be too "perfect," or our real "I" is not enough "real", and as a result are constantly in a state of dissatisfaction with himself.

"You are always inventing, thumb sucking out the reason for dissatisfaction" - says about Norbekov. Low self-esteem in action when our self-esteem is not justified understated, we do not expect success from their own activities, we are more trying to avoid failure.

And even if all of a sudden we can achieve a positive result, all the credit we ascribe to external factors (ease of the task, luck, and so on. D.). But discontent is only getting worse.

A vicious circle: we can not succeed because it is unhappy and dissatisfied we are because we never manage to achieve success.

"Our thoughts are material," - says Norbekov.

Therefore, "when you believe that you are a great man, you know that you are the most beautiful woman in the world that you are a man that is necessary, then the appearance and behavior, and the results of all your efforts will meet the inner state."

Those self-esteem low, should not despair and let life take its course.

Output is always there. "As long as you are alive, it is still possible!" So say the courses on self-healing system of Man, developed Norbekova.

Hence, self-esteem can improve. The courses are taught how to do it: "Make yourself a gratitude for what you have. You can always find what to praise myself." Easy to say. How to create it? It turns out very simply.

"Every time you look in the mirror, smile and say to yourself:" Created by God as a beauty! . "In addition, again with a smile constantly repeat to yourself:" I am very healthy, I'm the happiest I most ...! ".

Just before to proceed with the allegations, determine what qualities you will assert itself. All course participants perform such a task "in the column" written all of his negative qualities (from which they want to get rid of), and through the "dash" close their positive (those who want to buy instead).

For example:

laziness - an effort of will;

pessimism - optimism;

greed - generosity, and so on. d.

But that is not all.

After that will perform the following task - to write "in line" not less than 40 (!) Of their own positive qualities.

The problem, I tell you, is not easy. Moreover, the need to constantly supplement your list, opening up a more and more "pluses". "On the move" these jobs, of course, is not satisfied. We need to sit and think well.

People with low self-esteem is especially difficult to cope with the second. But even if to reflect and to seek out the positive qualities in themselves that they turned 40, we have for a long time, the result is recorded on paper, pleasantly surprised.

I, for instance, precisely defined for myself that I am beautiful, clever, erudite, charming, independent, kind, sympathetic, sociable, friendly, responsible, honest, active, sexy ...

And you?

Elena Kozlova