Reliable protection from hurtful words

Hurtful words confront us every day when we are least prepared for them. Critical attacks are varied and defy classification. It seems that the worst quality seen in people everywhere: at peak times, in line, at work and at the festive table.

Hurtful words confront us daily - often when we least ready for it. And, it seems, are everywhere: on the road during rush hour, when people are shown the worst quality; in line when we end the patience; at work and at the festive table, where people considered rude almost permitted.

Critical attacks are so diverse that defy classification. Here and "light", daily injections (congratulations, finally!), And such resentment when it gets dark in the eyes ("I see you're busy with what you do best - eat again"). Sometimes words just give insensitivity.

Gathering her courage, the son told his mother that his wife left him, and the answer was: "How long is it going." It is believed that in the family, we can hide from the world. And in fact, the relatives say to each other such that they never would have said a stranger, often adding excuse: "You know, I say this because I love you."

One woman recalled how once, when she was 12, she stood before the mirror and her mother suddenly said: "Do not worry, dear. If the nose is still to grow, it will be possible to have an operation. " Until that day, the girl and had no idea that she is not an ideal nose.

Particularly "good" veiled insults, which are called "constructive criticism", although they do not have any relation to it. They are easily recognizable by the accompanying phrases, such as "I hope I can speak to you frankly," or "I'm telling you this for your own good."

It turns out that you have to almost admire the sincerity of criticism and assess its care, while you hardly come to himself after hitting the pit of my stomach.

Defending himself against insults, easy to be in a vicious circle of attacks and counter-attacks. Fortunately, there are ways to fend off the oppressor, not dropping his dignity.

The next time you will become a target of criticism, try our advice.

1. Try to understand.

Anyone who criticizes the other, often very crowded offense. If you can not understand what is really bothering you offended person, ask him about it. Remember offense is not always intended for you personally.

Look at the situation from the outside and look for the cause. The waitress was rude to you, not because what you tell her something did not like - just on the eve of her favorite cast. The driver of "undercutting" you, does not want to annoy you - he is in a hurry to the sick child. Pass it forward, keep it. Trying to understand those whose words hurt you touched, you will suffer more easily offended.

2. Analyze said.

In his book "The subtle art of verbal self-defense" Suzette Haden Elgin offers expanded offended you comment on the parts and to answer the unspoken rebuke, not Sacrifice. For example, hearing "if you loved me, you would have lost weight", you can answer this way: "How long have you decided that I do not love you? "

3. Turn to face the abuser.

Resist the abuse is not easy. It helps, in particular, straightforwardness. Remove the negative charge, for example, this question: "why do you need something to hurt me? "Or" Do you realize how may be perceived these words? "

You can also ask the person to clarify the meaning of the comments: "What do you mean? "Or" I want to check if I understood you correctly? "As soon as your critic feels that his game is solved, it will leave you alone. After all, when you were caught red-handed, it is very embarrassing.

4. resort to humor.

My friend once had to hear: "You have a new skirt? In my opinion, a cloth upholster chairs. " She did not lose her and said, "Well, sit down on my knees."

The mother of my friend for life jealously watched over the purity of the house. One day she found her daughter cobwebs and asked, "What is this? "" I spend a science experiment, "- retorted daughter.

The best weapon against abusive criticism - laughter. Witty answers will help you to cope with almost any offender.

5. Think symbol.

One woman told me that her husband criticized certainly in humans. Then she began to carry a small towel and whenever husband told her something offensive, cover head with a towel. He was so ashamed that he got rid of his bad habits.

How to cope with irritability

We go out of ourselves for coffee and lack of air

And why do we always quarrel over trifles ... Perhaps something in the atmosphere soars.

Most unexpected causes irritability [test]

Rips on trifles, growl and rush to close? It turns out that the basis of this behavior may not only be harmful nature, but also the most unexpected things - from contraceptives to smoked sausage ...

Character or illness?

There are people for whom irritability - an innate property of the person. But they are few - no more than one percent of the population.

In other cases, it is a sign of some health problems.

The reason may be:

chronic pain or discomfort (in diseases of the joints, kidneys, exacerbation of chronic cystitis, prostatitis, inflammation of the ovaries);

exhaustion of the nervous system with fatigue, depression, epilepsy; posttraumatic reactions (ie protracted experience after some heavy events);

30% of the blame for the "syndrome of the inner burnout." With him on the background of stress, a sense of "assembly line" of life weaken psychological defense mechanisms, and the person gradually loses control of his emotions.

It makes a person irritable patient thyroid. Specialists in psychosomatic point out that the lack of her hormones - hypothyroidism - is a tearful weakness and excess - hyperthyroidism - irritability, aggressive notes.

Irritability with a depressive tone, mood swings produce disease connected with infringement of production of sex hormones, such as uterine fibroids, breast.

Men adenoma and congestive prostatitis often accompanied by aggression, anger and depression.

Heart problems, asthma often cause anxiety, fears, general anxiety. So do not be surprised if the psychologist, after listening to your family problems and wishes of relatives to buy you a muzzle, will direct you to be examined by a cardiologist or endocrinologist.

When analginum becomes "ozverin"

Remember, in a cartoon about Leopold good kotyara, swallowing "ozverina" suddenly lost tolerance to mice?

Well, and "the truth" some drugs can produce side effects in the form of irritability.

These include:

heart - nitroglycerin, verapamil, isosorbide and derivatives thereof; hormones - corticosteroids (prednisone, hydrocortisone) and estrogens, which are part of contraceptive drugs and hormone replacement therapy during menopause;

pressure - captopril (Capoten), metoprolol, nifedipine;

NSAIDs - diclofenac (Voltaren), ibuprofen, indomethacin, naproxen.

If you feel the connection between the start of medication and the appearance of irritability, it is necessary to tell your doctor.

IMPORTANT!

To cope with increased irritability, need a comprehensive approach:

a change of scenery or activity;

active, most different from everyday life;

an increase of physical activity (they also serve as a moral unloading);

normalization of sleep;

psychotherapy aimed at correcting the behavior, the construction of psychological protection and reducing aggression;

drugs, sedatives, relieves anxiety and resulting in the order of the autonomic nervous system;

development of techniques for relaxation, good as qigong, martial arts and yoga.

Paradoxically, the headache itself makes a person irritable, but the more you swallow painkillers, the greater the risk that they will cause new tantrums.

With frequent use of analgesics inhibit the body's production of "happiness hormones" - endorphins and enkephalins, - because of what man becomes more difficult to contain negative emotions.

I do not own after coffee and sausage ...

Powerful stimuli can become the most familiar products. One such - coffee. The alkaloid caffeine stimulates the nervous system. And if we decide in the fevered state of "calm down" some coffee, you can get the opposite effect.

Irritability often provokes a food additive - sodium glutamate. It is added to enhance flavor in bouillon cubes, soups and condiments. Some people are prone to food allergies, become irritable ... of sausage.

Sausages, smoked meats contain nitrite, which gives them a nice pink color (after all, simply cooked meat unattractive shade of gray). Nitrite in sensitive people can cause headaches and dysphoria (irritable, moody mood).

Team: the air!

At the office all the flies upside down? Maybe you just do not have enough oxygen.

Noticed this: come to work in good spirits, the day is normal, with no one to quarrel, and after a few hours you as a substitute - the mood is spoiled, I want to someone to snap, and colleagues around do not seem so nice. And the cause is not your bad temper, and "banal" hypoxia, that is the lack of oxygen in the air with an excess of carbon dioxide.

Office syndrome. By the way, the higher are your apartment and office, the less oxygen in the air. It is believed that hypoxic manifestations constantly observed those who live and work above the sixth floor of the standard.