Using internal resources

In each of our lives we have been situations in which we truly felt the success and happiness. Each is some kind of a personal experience. Perhaps someone once he saw how the sun rises, and felt amazing

harmony with the environment. And someone, being in the mountains, has experienced such an unusual delight that will long be remembered is his experience.

For women, having a baby is often associated with a very strong sense of purpose. Either way, everyone can be some of his episodes in which people somehow are particularly hard felt like a complete person. For now, just remember one of such cases.

When memories come, sit comfortably, straighten your back and take a few deep breaths. Your hands should not be crossed. Close your eyes and immerse yourself in their memory.

Your perception must be such as when the episode occurred. That is, just remember that your eyes have seen in those moments. As long as you set up your memory, note the picture of the internal memories and make it very big, bright, located nearby.

The image you see to be three-dimensional and color. You can also imagine how they surround you from all sides like a panorama. You can clearly hear the sounds that are associated with this episode. If you do not hear them, then set up your ears so that the sounds are clearly drifted to you.

In the episode that you remember, there is a certain dynamics, and so it should not be presented as a frozen picture. He is like a film that unfolds before your eyes. As it happens, you can more and more to feel the emotions experienced at the time of his life.

Open up to them and let them flow freely in your body. Let them freely disclosed inside you, like a flower bud swellable. Consider also that in this episode, there is some special positive energy that greatly affects you. Thinking about it, begin to inhale it. Let this energy is inside you with your breathing.

Imagine every cell of your personality is saturated with it. When your experience of what is happening will be strong enough, squeeze the right fist and keep on remembering. When the episode ends, the imagination taken into the very beginning of his life.

Your right fist is still compressed. Imagine how you begin to go through the various complex episodes of his life. Living them one by one, thinking about how you would behave in them, if the same share personal experiences that you remember, would be all the time with you. Go so throughout his life.

When you get to the present, imagine how you behave, having this resource in a variety of difficult situations that you may have at this time. Having done this, open your eyes. How are you feeling?

What has changed in your perception of the past?

This technique teaches us to work with their own resources. If at some time in some situations one or another resource person is strongly manifested, then why should he forget? On the contrary, it is necessary that he came to our personal experience very deeply.

With this technique, you can attach a variety of strong resource experience. Think about how your life would change if you constantly feel all its positive resources!

To see how far you have done this exercise, try to squeeze the right fist. If at the same time compression comes the very resource sense, the work is done well.

And now, when one or another trouble comes into your life, just do two things: squeeze the right fist and think about what you would do in this episode, though very much felt the same resource.

To remember your own life, you can also recall the great visual image that you associated with it. So you can work with a variety of resource episodes from his life.

Each resource can help in some particular situation. The technology of this work is very simple: you just need to think about what the quality of your personality could help you survive these or other difficult circumstances.

After that you need to find in their personal experience of an event in which you strongly enough expressed these same resource quality. Remembering this event, start using the above procedure.

In fact, inside we have all the necessary resources and quality to cope with any situation. The problem is not that we do not have some qualities, but the fact that we can not use them.

If psychological counseling a person comes and says that he is very uncertain, it is not quite correct formulates his problem. He is unsure of any particular context of their experience.

Reliable protection from hurtful words

Hurtful words confront us every day when we are least prepared for them. Critical attacks are varied and defy classification. It seems that the worst quality seen in people everywhere: at peak times, in line, at work and at the festive table.

Hurtful words confront us daily - often when we least ready for it. And, it seems, are everywhere: on the road during rush hour, when people are shown the worst quality; in line when we end the patience; at work and at the festive table, where people considered rude almost permitted.

Critical attacks are so diverse that defy classification. Here and "light", daily injections (congratulations, finally!), And such resentment when it gets dark in the eyes ("I see you're busy with what you do best - eat again"). Sometimes words just give insensitivity.

Gathering her courage, the son told his mother that his wife left him, and the answer was: "How long is it going." It is believed that in the family, we can hide from the world. And in fact, the relatives say to each other such that they never would have said a stranger, often adding excuse: "You know, I say this because I love you."

One woman recalled how once, when she was 12, she stood before the mirror and her mother suddenly said: "Do not worry, dear. If the nose is still to grow, it will be possible to have an operation. " Until that day, the girl and had no idea that she is not an ideal nose.

Particularly "good" veiled insults, which are called "constructive criticism", although they do not have any relation to it. They are easily recognizable by the accompanying phrases, such as "I hope I can speak to you frankly," or "I'm telling you this for your own good."

It turns out that you have to almost admire the sincerity of criticism and assess its care, while you hardly come to himself after hitting the pit of my stomach.

Defending himself against insults, easy to be in a vicious circle of attacks and counter-attacks. Fortunately, there are ways to fend off the oppressor, not dropping his dignity.

The next time you will become a target of criticism, try our advice.

1. Try to understand.

Anyone who criticizes the other, often very crowded offense. If you can not understand what is really bothering you offended person, ask him about it. Remember offense is not always intended for you personally.

Look at the situation from the outside and look for the cause. The waitress was rude to you, not because what you tell her something did not like - just on the eve of her favorite cast. The driver of "undercutting" you, does not want to annoy you - he is in a hurry to the sick child. Pass it forward, keep it. Trying to understand those whose words hurt you touched, you will suffer more easily offended.

2. Analyze said.

In his book "The subtle art of verbal self-defense" Suzette Haden Elgin offers expanded offended you comment on the parts and to answer the unspoken rebuke, not Sacrifice. For example, hearing "if you loved me, you would have lost weight", you can answer this way: "How long have you decided that I do not love you? "

3. Turn to face the abuser.

Resist the abuse is not easy. It helps, in particular, straightforwardness. Remove the negative charge, for example, this question: "why do you need something to hurt me? "Or" Do you realize how may be perceived these words? "

You can also ask the person to clarify the meaning of the comments: "What do you mean? "Or" I want to check if I understood you correctly? "As soon as your critic feels that his game is solved, it will leave you alone. After all, when you were caught red-handed, it is very embarrassing.

4. resort to humor.

My friend once had to hear: "You have a new skirt? In my opinion, a cloth upholster chairs. " She did not lose her and said, "Well, sit down on my knees."

The mother of my friend for life jealously watched over the purity of the house. One day she found her daughter cobwebs and asked, "What is this? "" I spend a science experiment, "- retorted daughter.

The best weapon against abusive criticism - laughter. Witty answers will help you to cope with almost any offender.

5. Think symbol.

One woman told me that her husband criticized certainly in humans. Then she began to carry a small towel and whenever husband told her something offensive, cover head with a towel. He was so ashamed that he got rid of his bad habits.