The love story I still love you

This is somewhat surprising, despite the fact that I have taken away the child. Yes, in the evening, when I returned to the Krymsk parents, Birdie was still with them, Alex demonstratively tore me from their hands and took, and I watched the car, seeing through the glass as she cried and pulled me his little hands. Then I maliciously reported that "it is necessary that it is weaned from you, so that three weeks you will not see it." I had no choice - I filed a lawsuit, but I did not want everything to be SO! In any situation you can be human, but it's not about them. In the family I was constantly tormented by internal conflict: I smiled, and I felt the opposite. This is the opposite to me and showed as soon as I left the threshold of their house forever.
Next month, I was torn between the two cities, two people .  On the one hand, Birdie, which after three weeks I was allowed to see, so to speak, as "Sunday my mother," on the other hand, Victor, that I forgot about everything and everyone did not matter when he was with me .  We were often seen walking to the shops and cafes .  Dangle round trip was tiring, and my mom is adding fuel to the fire, her regular tantrums that "the child should be with his mother! "Did the trick .  I withdrew to the end and drew a line between the two cities .  My family knew almost nothing about the Vita, but it I almost did not talk about his native land .  I was not at all difficult to talk to him, I always carried some nonsense .  Heart-stopping by SMS that say that when he came? With me this metamorphosis took place! So many wanted to tell him, but his proximity, did not give me two words together .  Therefore, most of the time I tried to keep quiet so as not to betray his emotion .  But this man is such a wonderful, all notices
- You have such happy eyes, - he said. Stunned realization that love him, and out loud what some said:
- I want to spoil the mood?
- No, - Victor shrugged.
I could feel his tacit support: trying to brighten up my stay in the apartment, I offered to buy some household items. But I refused, I thought that he spends so much on me.
- Yes, you need a microwave here - somehow expressed their views Victor.
- What for?
- Like what? Meals to warm up! - He exclaimed in surprise.
- Do not. Meals can be warmed in a pan - I came up against.
He shrugged. And another contradiction - in bed, it was one person, it is completely different. As if the bed was a kind of area where you can be yourself, but as soon as he left the zone, immediately put on a mask of cold-friendliness with the slogan "Yes, I am! "It was discouraging my already fragile psyche. Seeing some of his aloofness, I tried not to intrude and do not get it for nothing. Word about the most important, I was trying to hide deep inside, like emotions, but they beat over the edge. Try to hide an elephant in a studio apartment - the effect is the same. Of course he had seen and once expressed the desire is to it easier. This phrase acute pain swept through the entire body.
To treat it easier, I re-register on a dating site, previously retired ... sincerely believing that it would distract me .  And I was distracted, "explosion" brain interlocutors their sexual fantasies .  With some of them I have allowed myself to meet, in advance of each warning that they were not on my account no illusions - not sex .  But this is only doubled my craving for Vita, because compared to him no one stood .  Further more .  In a "perfect" day, I felt alienation between us .  The calls became less frequent, correspondence came to naught, and he began to appear every two weeks .  I went crazy with the complete lack of understanding of the situation! The idea to leave and end this madness, fettered soul, if earlier relationship hurt me, I immediately stopped all communication and moved on two days' time and relax "and - like new .  Why have only one idea, that I will not see him anymore, I caused unimaginable pain !? Thoughts thought of each other at a time in my head, but rest in them I have not found .  "I need to talk to him, dot .  Yes, he did not promise me anything, but I want to know why this change? "The desired balance again settled in me .  But the conversation did not take place, there was a trouble, his daughter was hit by a car .  Girl, thank God, was still alive, the doctors diagnosed a brain injury .
And he was gone. I knew that he was not up to me, work, friends, family ...
And I had to go back in Krymsk, solve questions about his daughter and the upcoming trial. By the way, I have tried to bring back home all and sundry. Common friends insisted that "you hurry, think you have a child! "Head of the Department for Youth of the local administration was trying to climb into my soul and instruct on the right path. Head of the Department of Family and Child summoned "on the carpet" and gently hinted at the same time bringing to tears, that, given the communication of my husband, I can not stay without her daughter at all, and the only way - is to return to the family. Even in-law had contributed, as always surprised me with his feminine logic: "Do not be such a child to suffer for the sake ?! "But I was adamant.
Every day I had to be in their house to see the bird .  It was given to hard, because I wanted to be in another place and another person, with a loved one who did not respond to SMS, did not raise up, rarely call back, "Oh, I forgot about you! "With a malicious laugh, he said .  It was painful .  After all, he showed his whole appearance that the feelings are not necessary and are alien, causing breaks my heart to pieces about it underlined blacklist .  But I did not believe it Vite, because on the level of feelings known to others, gentle, sensitive, attentive .  After lying in bed SO impossible! He donned the mask, which takes a long time for their own skin, hiding from the world once "hurt little boy" .  And I knew exactly which one of these two "fake" .  It was the only thread that kept me on the surface, not allowing his head to escape the maelstrom of unbridled longing for him, causing wake up every day to visit a daughter, collect the necessary documents for the trial to answer the questions people around me .
You may ask why I have not picked up so far bird? Because somewhere knew what good it will not end .  I had hoped that the court will put everything in its place, the benefit to the hearing, there are very little .  Day, Bye Birdie was asleep, I again "hung" on the Internet, expecting to see on the monitor at least a word from him, but he remained stubbornly silent .  I plucked up the determination to write him again that I love, before that it was a message that he ignored all .  This time the answer was not long in coming: "When did you fall in love? "" You're just like me, and I'm just helping you, "and I still remember the word" friends " .  In memory surfaced when a line of rhyme that Alex has written a long time ago, inspired by our next parting - "because each word has a kind of male" .  I tried to "put on" this simple truth for yourself, but nothing worked, inner conflict tearing me apart .  On the one hand, a mind that compares the facts and conclude, on the other - my soul, who did not want to believe it, citing its own arguments .  "I still love you" .
Everyone who I could talk about it, claimed that he was just using me. At what point, I wondered issue. We have not seen him for over a month. When I briefly traveled to Krasnodar, he was always "busy", but the money for accommodation and were paid the lawyer out of his pocket. Yes, I was glad to be, if I enjoyed it, but would not disappear from my life! The next day, I put things in order in his head, trying to bring to a common denominator all the things that happened to me over the past two-plus months. Emotions followed one another so often that this "order" was given to me by hard work. And I decided that if you, Victor, so it will be convenient, well, we are friends; you gave me freedom, I will take it, let it be as it is, but I will do everything to erase you from my heart!
Doomsday for the end of August was unusually hot. All my relatives were in a state closer to the panic, they were afraid to let me go to a hearing, and the fact they had every reason to. So many, dare I say it, dermische was poured on me and my parents, and that the ten "fire ladder" does not withdraw at a time. But I convinced them that it would be better for them to be better. I mentally put yourself in the "glass bowl", a good psychological trick - you just become a witness of what is happening, but not a party, significant savings of nerves, no matter what happens, everything goes wrong! So why is it not working with Victor? !! My feelings for him are absolutely uncontrolled and no matter what I did, it gave only backfire.
- What are the batteries you holding up? - He asked me as a mother.
- I do not know - I said - Everything will be fine.
At the trial, I expect a few surprises, too, Alex came with a lawyer and a key witness in-law spoke. I knew that now will show where I also have to participate, but I could not even imagine that all this bredyatinu they priobschat the case. I thought all the rolls, which I ate, argued that I'm crazy, in terms that I have ever read books constantly, either permanently knit, or typing. This, of course, not the whole list of my "crimes." I caught sight of the judge and smiled at him, but the judge hid his smile and understanding of the drivel that was carrying my mother in law. A smile flashed only briefly in his eyes and was gone, because the court must be impartial.
Once I tried to catch a glimpse of her husband, but he was looking somewhere else, but not me, I could not believe that this is the man for whom I once married .  Basically, what I expected? Now it is a wounded wild boar, which rushes through the forest, down dale .  This whole situation makes me just a smile, but could not laugh, because I had to play the role of "Desperate Mothers", which has taken the child .  The court's decision in my favor, I was not surprised .  I was most surprised by the sister-in: for some reason, I always thought it was the most appropriate person in their family, but it turns out wrong .  When I walked out of the courthouse, she lashed out at me with fists-in-law, too, I decided to join it .  Alex shut me from them his broad back with the words "Go ..." Then I will not list as "flattering" words about yourself heard, and not only I, but all the rest at the time in the park named after Ernst Thalmann .  It was like a bad movie, which came up with an amateur .  And I felt that the finale is at hand .  But I was wrong again .
At home I told my mother paints all the "new" that currently recognized by copying gestures and intonation of her husband's relatives. The story turned colorful. My laughing, and I with them. Laughter took power in which my fault they were for a long time. Mom was determined to take the small right now, but I have something stopped. Lesha I called and warned that we would soon arrive, to which he replied: "On what basis? The court's decision comes into force 10 days! "In the ranks of the" militias "began again the excitement, my mother rebelled and was ready to fight immediately.
Feeling that forces me to leave, and fatigue Attaching great stove, I hid in the silence of the house, hoping to hear the beloved voice .  I'll call him, I thought, because we are friends .  I can not just as a friend to share experiences? I dial his number .  In the tube could hear a strange man's mocking voice: "Who do you want? "My throat locked up, his eyes tears of resentment Nakata .  It was all his feed, because the phone he did not leave even when we were in bed, he almost always answer incoming calls! "Victor Alexandrovich" - a barely audible voice, I wheezed .  "But it is not! "- So much fun they told me .  "It is sad," - I whispered and pressed rebound .  My phone rang a moment later, a voice in the tube was agitated, his voice, a native and alien at the same time .  I pretended that his outburst did not strike me .  Without going into details, explained how the court and that was brewing another zavarushka .  In his comments, I realized that he has no idea what Jo ... - I'm living situation .  Let continue to think so, why him my mental anguish?
Dad was doing something with the car, so leave the bird stretched out for an hour, my mother continued to wind itself .  Feeling universal voltage, I too began to panic .  Our family has made a fuss, yelling at each other, especially the mat, in extreme cases, we are emotionally expressed their opinion, not to get personal, and on it all ended .  When we got to the house, where at the moment Birdie lived, we were waiting for - thank me for having warned! - Five votes and began to decline in different ways .  Again I put myself in the "glass ball", and only then to reach me was the meaning of the oracle .  In-law screamed something that my mother was not able to bring up his daughter shiftless .  In-law shouted, "that in bed with her brother, now I'll get only through her body! "I mentally wished her good health .  In-law I called our family pigs, no reinforcing his statement .  There was also a couple of people who published a short "podtyafkivaniya" under the general mood .  The numerical superiority was not in our favor .  I was silent .  Saying something was useless: you just do not hear, and if they hear, then use every word you say against you .  For the parents it was a shame, they have nothing to do, only they got to the very top .  So "empty-handed" we returned home .  We'll have to wait ten days, will come into force until the court's decision .
I wanted to escape from this nightmare literally .  Who could help me? Only he .  With a sinking heart, I dialed his number again, it was somehow awkward to ask him about it, but I was able to push away this inconvenience .  The key to the apartment was the one I left it on the plate near the door when out of town .  Talking to him on the phone, I found that the key is not there, I expressed the wish that he had left the money in the apartment and the key to her .  The words "no" I have not heard, and the answer is the same as that .  But that does not diminish my determination to go to Krasnodar, the more that I was waiting for .  His name Stas, we met on the same site notorious and once met, communicating with them helped me not to think about Vita .  At least ten minutes a day to think about it! On the other hand, I did not have to worry about it, because was Nightingale who was not with me! That's what I had to worry about !! But I just raved about it, and I wanted to get rid of this nonsense!
Already half way to Krasnodar I phoned up Viti, he was "pleased" me, the key is, he did not leave, and he is not in the city .  So I went who knows where, and money in your pocket only on one end of the tram .  I just smiled .  As a student, when I was in music school, my mother's dream of embodying often slept in elevators, or just sitting in the doorway, waiting for the onset of the morning .  Well, remember the dashing youth! Well, what it was ten years ago, in the end, people all around .  Ironically, Victor showed anxiety: a call a couple of times to find out what will I do? Upon arrival in the city, I dialed the number and asked the landlord had the key .  So it turned out to be an easy way out, around people .   When I came into it, internally it cringed from the still life that I discovered there .  Unfinished bottle of champagne on the table, half-smoked cigarette in the ashtray, sheet thrown over a bed anyhow, and ... .  phew! .   Victor, even if the garbage delivered !! So he wrote and .  Although he was a little plus, protected .  For some reason he got nervous and began to explain that the other had a bachelor party .  So, quietly, you're friends, I reminded myself, and it has the right to sleep with anyone wish .  Same as me .
The first thing I did was carried to the wash linens. Well, my favorite blanket lay in the bedside table! Then he shoved himself into the shower again to cause thoughts. Can I live here with the bird? With such a situation - no. It is necessary to look for a job, to get away. Krymsk live I can not, too little town, in addition to this Lesch - a display face of this little town, and I knew it all. As an example - just two weeks ago, we walked to the bird park, a complete stranger youngster called out to me in the back "Whore! "Showed male solidarity, I guess. Well, with this then we shall understand, but now I'm late for a meeting with Stas. He told me, of course, liked the man, and I hoped that he would be able to dispel the myth that I have for myself is likely to come up. Not gone well only pebble on Vita? And I wanted proof !! I turned off the phone: what he calls, and my determination to make the IS - evaporate.