The love story I still love you

Eve Eighth of March, the last day of work before the holidays. The children in the group have a little snack. I explained to the child that kolenochki under the desk are friendly, and the back flat, hold a spoon correctly ...
- Why are you licking the end, you take a spoonful in your mouth !! - I heard the cry of his assistant. For a long time I did not laugh. Nurses - it's all unique individuals, for which the rules are not written. By accessing the group, they did not hesitate to speak foul language, but so what, that is occupation and children all hear, think!
Eighth March wacky holiday .  Has anyone heard the song of the "Bakhyt Compote" "March 8"? No? Be sure to listen to it at all lyrical work, imbued with sarcasm sincere, and everything else is great uplifting .  So, what I mean? Yes, the eighth of March .  Birdie went to the Pope, I was left to itself .  Lyuba, which we lived, gathered guests and friends of the parents of her husband .  Set the table, I picked up a little all well, except me .  Interest on alcohol was lost a few years ago after I celebrate that stopped breastfeeding, have fun .  And the next day Birdie jumped on me and demanded attention, and it was a sneeze that bad mother .  It was then that I came to the conclusion that what for the dubious pleasure then suffer the whole day? And my grandmother whispered .  So, I spit in the hands of the phone, which remained silent despite my spells .  And what happened, wrote to him first, "I went in Figure", let me say that we should not, and I'm gone! "I can not" is always brief and concise but inspiring hope for the best, said Victor .  Perhaps he meant that he could not do it in the form in which I have asked, but did not specify .  It is better to live in hope for the best and preparing for the worst .  In any case, life went on someone, and I have every day was like the previous one .  The rise at half past five, coffee, and put stuff sleepy bird in the carriage, six-minute steeplechase until it stops, then throw a stroller without removing small, on a bus, fifteen minutes "to catch his breath," and long live the new working day! Output, even among the Negroes they are proceeded under the motto "do not hit a lying" .
Days at a pace flew unnoticed .  Alex asked me to do a bank card, to transfer money there .  Well, the money? Although my position and five thousand too much .  And the fact that he took away the bird for a few days a week, also facilitated my existence .  In early April, I felt a discomfort that came from landlords .  In my direct question "what happened? "I answered," Nothing happened, all right, "and me the familiar controversy .  Always surprised and saddened people the courage to lie to my eyes, why? Why not tell the truth in these very eyes? It also saves time and nerves for both sides! When I finished off Luba their questions, she confessed to me that her sister arrives, which claims to be the very same room in which we are now living with the bird .  And though it was a lie, too, I knew that kindness and there is a limit .  I had plenty of time to catch your breath because of Luba .
I took up the search for an apartment on the basis of their own revenues .  The choice was not great, given another stumbling block - "What? with baby? no" .  And how to explain to people that my daughter has long been pissing in a pot, not on the wallpaper and painting, in general, the most significant man ?! As I have seen, there is a mysterious ventilator, which is always open, you need only look horoshenechko .  Lyuba, tormented likely own conscience, I found a room in the "kopeck piece" close to that area, to which I have become attached .  Payment for accommodation was almost symbolic - four thousand and no communal .  But ... she was the one drawback: even half a year the apartment was put up for sale .  Choose especially was not anything else ... We are alive - not dead men used to say my grandfather .  So Vovka again had to carry my stuff, while it is highly friendly to me grumbled, because could not find a passage to the house, and to top it all, I messed up the entrances .  Speaking of things, their number increases with each passing month exponentially .  In principle, half of it was already possible to safely get rid of, because they belonged to the category of "nothing to wear, which has already put nowhere" .  On sadikovskih grub I plump ten kilograms .  Just like on request! In our first meeting Victor expressed the desire for a raise in my weight .  Here, you get, sign! Only this time, our little chat came down to the final zero .  In my declaration of love in the best case I received nothing but exclamation marks and question marks .
The week before Easter I went to see her parents in Krymsk .  With pleasure hugged Dad, discussed all the details of life with mom .  All these months we were on the phone every day, and I kept telling my parents that all is well .  Whatever happens, everything goes wrong .  My apathy has grown to unprecedented dimensions, but I was not able to fit into this framework Vitya .  Two people in this life leads me out of balance: Birdie and he .  These two I continued to love in spite of everything .  His child when she began to swing his little right, just like the leg and the wall, but there is nothing in the world, with which it was possible to compare the happiness, when these little arms embrace you! And it, that was all for me .  This is comparable with a slight insanity: the phone went everywhere, even where it is not needed, looking through the eyes of his car and tried to find him at passers, all the thoughts and desires were just about it .  Lately I beat her hand not to write it .  But this time she faltered .  "I know" - a simple understandable terms, it is clear that nothing is clear, and it is designed .
- You no hello, no hello, what do you know? - I heard a painfully favorite voice on the phone. Such happiness just to hear his voice. We talked for about ten minutes, as usual platitudes about anything. He then came to the strange conclusion that I have changed. I did not feel a change, like the same. And turn to the expert, the sister, she knows me better than he does.
- I have changed? - She asked a question from the doorway. She studies looked at me.
- No, Marin, you're back, it was the same again during limited hours ... ykoy which was before the wedding - issued its verdict Alain. Her comment, I was pleased. I'm back! Ex-husband's family, their lifestyle and outlook on life more distorted my identity, but it is well that ends well. Or start? Despite all that we have passed from bird to me came to realize that life really - as I want, well, or how long I can - I started a little less than a year ago. If not for Victor, I would never have had to leave all of Krymsk. And despite all the sorrows that are associated with him, I have something to say "thank you."
At the last meeting that "for health" was held as usual, I felt only a log. Even new shoes, bought himself the next day, did not cheer me up. How many times have yet to step on the same rake, to finally make a conclusion? Nine times is not enough? Quietly to himself, I'm talking ... It is enough to force itself cynically! The method of "like cures" did not work, it may time heal?
Spring came into its own surprise. At this point, I turned all the contacts that were left on the site. Just changed the sim card. And yet, the man lost, almost. Periodically, the old "Sims" I called the parents, it is cheaper. Remove all social networks, where it was registered, even he slammed the drawer, so sure. Only the "ICQ" did not want to leave. That's where I scribbled Vita snotty notes that he had never read, apparently, he removed this chat. His telephone number, I erased from memory without looking at his cell phone, do not bring the Lord to remember at least one Tsiferki! I have cut themselves off from the outside world. Nowhere did not go, no one talked. It's time for privacy to comprehend what is happening to me? I was tormented by the agony of his inability to hear or even read a word of it. "ICQ" rescued ...
In late June, the apartment that we rented, sold .  Again, the search for housing .  Though something to do besides work and Birdie .  The new owner gave us a head start - until August .  It is certainly encouraging, but we and the end of July it was not possible to find a suitable living space .  We - it's me with a birdie and Oksana with which we lived at the moment in different rooms .  We wanted to find a similar apartment on equidistant distance from our work, and yes, the price to suit .  But as the landlords conspired already familiar to me, "What? with baby? no" .  Oksana heartily resented this fact and to my complete tranquility, pofigizm it just put out .  Then all the circus! Four months lived together, almost one soul, crossed dull female jealousy .  I do not blame that men react to me !? Personally, I have to violet but Viti, who held my being .  I fell asleep with thoughts about it and wake up with them, too, not to mention waking hours, there at all was bad, but he .  So my indifference to what is happening was understandable .  The only hysteria Oksana break my mental balance, which was balancing on the thin edge of my consciousness .  And the decision to secede was a logical .  I convinced myself that I desired apartment there, and with this bright idea appealed to another agency .  And do not even surprised, but very pleased when the next day is my belief manifested itself in reality - the landlord of a small room in a former hostel for my clarification, I'm with child, she became embarrassed to talk about lack of a washing machine, and other inconveniences .  Due to the fact that any inconvenience to me sneeze in the light of the above events, I demonstrated its willingness to pay the money immediately without any examinations, as was already the middle of August .  From the walls of the house of the former dormitory drawn "Sovdepiia" repairs are made, probably even under Brezhnev, and proved to be a cozy little room: decent furniture and, of happiness, a comfortable sofa! Recent months rydvane learn to enjoy the little things .
In another arrangement of the home he has gone a week vacation was just what we needed, and the money that was given to all residents of Krymsk drowned, too. About this event there were many versions, but our Supreme Investigative Committee stated: "the cause of the flood was - several major rivers and streams converged at one point." These are the miracles! River flowing in one direction and they decided to meet! Guilty appointed, given money, the end of fairy tales. The monument, which put a hundred and sixty-five dead in the center of the city of Krymsk, looks like a mockery of the many thousands of stricken people. My parents this event, thank God, is not affected. And life went on.
Birdie is not pleased our next move like me, work is a fifteen minute walk, transport interchanges, all the necessary shops near by .  The work also some pluses, I got naparnitsa .  And now my existence abounded output as teachers work two and a half days a week .  A bunch of free time filled a new girlfriend - from her husband left .  We spent hours sitting on her balcony, she talked a lot about herself and her, as she expressed it, podrochestve .  I was told it was absolutely nothing .  I do not remember a single case of amusing his youth but lawlessness, in which I do not uchuvstvovat but witnessed .  Karina, as she was called, was treating his mental difficulties and alcohol-seeking adventure, I was comfortable for her company .  We scoured the clubs, abusing alcohol .  As she stood a pace of life, I do not know! It took me once to come to work "in the trash" to remember their norm:
- Marin, you feel bad? - I asked Ira, nurse my group.
- No, I feel good - I breathed with force - but what?
- Well, I tell them - she nodded toward the children who had to have rice porridge, but go about their business - to eat fast, I have to wash the dishes needed - she complained. I looked around the table where the children were four or five years, the noise was not special, but she's right, soon will be occupied, you need to hurry.
- Average team! - I strained his vocal cords, with my sick head buzzed like a cauldron. - Count to ten, who will not have time to finish eating porridge, the street will not go! Once! - And he asked quietly, to hear only the IRA - it goes?
- Will - she smiled, watching the children, who zealously began to tuck hated porridge. I have adapted to the position of an educator, but it still makes me nauseous, even at night I dreamed that put the children to bed! And I wanted to see other dreams, but they were not ...
My emotional pain dulled, not cut into pieces, and quietly ached .  I sincerely hoped that the obsession with Vitya leaves me time heals all the same! And one had to happen - we met, more precisely, our eyes .  I took the bird from the garden, we go home, I do not remember why, something made me look at the cars passing by .  I did not recognize Vitya, because so many emotions at the same time on his face before I ever saw! They followed each other and contradict .  As soon as he realized that seen sharply I turned, and the car went faster .  It all happened in a split second, no worries I had, a surprise .  A man who does not care, does not experience so many feelings at the same time it means something still there? Hope again took me by the throat, had a quarrel with his own pride and write it to e-mail .  A note was her short and the content something like: "I still love you, I can not be without you, but I want you ..." .  What I expected for such a message, she can not imagine, but when I got the answer: "Wow, I am also glad to see you, call the number the same," my pride revolted .  Not these words I wanted to read, but the hope smothered my pride, and that half dead crawled to the side, watching as I am taking it game rules, write the answer: "I would love to, but I do not have" .  Victor is Victor, sent me his phone number without any comments .  The courage to call him, listening to beeps .  Times .   two .   three .   four .   ... five, Reject Call .  "You gave me your number so as not to pick up the phone? "No answer, not a greeting .