The love story I still love you

A familiar pain again settled in me .  When waiting for something, and is not expected to happen for some reason, it is exhausting, and mood immediately goes into the category of the worst in anything you do not want .  But, lo and behold, the next day we were talking about half an hour .  I was shaking, my heart was trying to make the chest and gallop .  Vaguely remember our conversation in poluvmenyaemom able to do anything is hard to remember .  It seems he moved for some reason, and now he has a weekend and even expressed a desire to come to the "cup of tea" .  Its wording does not bother me, I'll like it more than air, without which man can not live more than five minutes .  My nerves rang my voice, I tore the end of the day, the day of scheduled meeting .  As you have probably guessed, the meeting did not take place, he did not answer my smsku not called back, there was a deafening silence .  Three days later I sent a message "if you want me to roll up the asphalt, then you got" and removed the many times his number .
Karina as she could, trying to pick me up in pieces: dragged into clubs, invited to their glass or two .  I order all this fuss too tired, alcohol is further aggravated my condition, the clubs became disgusted look at the drunken, sweaty faces .  Dance as I wanted, it was impossible, people perceived wrong .  As for the slow dances, then I made for myself, another fundamental conclusion: either I am in the dance, or if individual male thought he was a male, I was beginning to annoy him dance .  Soon Karina a young man, and she asked me to remain with her for the night, so to speak, home-based nanny .  My date, and the child must be under the supervision of .  Listening to music, she was going, and I was an expert in "what to wear" .  The radio DFM was a fun program "Friday-harlot" in which the students were looking for their second halves .  Honestly, boys, well, have you ever seen a girl who is beautiful, smart, thrifty, no bad habits, ah, yes, even to the clubs not wandered ?! Tales should be read in them the truth - or the lovely Elena or Vasilisa the Wise, or Mary Weaver! But does all three in a single person! And you are looking for just three options in one gadget! Most of us amused with Kareena pribavka all of the above "girls with piercings and tattoos - please do not disturb" .  That is, we can not with her pop- .  Karina - the proud owner of piercing, well, to me everything is clear, my cherry rose to yet another twig .
Life carried me down the river, I stopped wallowing and somehow correct the movement .  It was already November, when I glued myself to pieces and realized - it's time to change something .  The first thing required reconstruction - is the work .  Almost a year, I forced myself to do what I do not want, and if you do not want to, but I do, then, is a direct abuse of a .  Enough .  I was offered a job at an advertising agency manager of acquaintance .  The agency itself did not exist, but in a few days it should be earned, they were waiting for me .  It still needs to resign from the hated garden .  When I told the head of his retirement, I was a flurry of accusations and recriminations! As if I returned to the past, and again I listened to my ex-mother in law had that told of his deeds, of which I, for some reason, did not appreciate .  Why is that? If a person wants to leave, why it automatically becomes enemy number one? I, in fact, did not do anything wrong, I'm just .  I do not understand! What to do with a garden for Birdie, I have not thought of it afterwards .  Now we need to muster the strength and patience to work two weeks .  Oh, and I looked up at the head of the last! At every little detail to make comments and even came up with me working off hours, so I is replaced by the educator, who went to the hospital .  What might be working out when I was six months, one plowed into the group? I worked all hours of the next two years !! But I did not resent aloud why? My experience is that proving his innocence, you make enemies, and suddenly be able to leave the bird in the garden?
And the second, but not least. Put point in this whole story with Victor. My mind knew that the point has been around for a long time. They say, hope dies last, and my hope - not just to kill the creature! Finally nailed it could only irrefutable proof - "I do not need! ". To achieve these words from him, hear, read, anything! And begin to live, not to exist on the windowsill, I was chosen as Birdie was leaving to Lesha. Do not look at the world from a window, and be a participant who has desires and aspirations, their goals. At this point, but empty "dream" of the Vita, I have no particular desire was not. Maybe a new job, and chat with other people to change something? Another hope for the best .... After all, if I can not change the current scenario of events I can select another ...

PART III

New Year's Eve was usually .  Gathered at karinka, little remained Lesha, I traveled to Krymsk, I bought all the gifts and returned to Krasnodar .  Karina was waiting for me and was preparing for the holiday table .  I was asked to help and presence .  On the road I had to go home to change clothes and get everything you need, including champagne, which my parents generously children .  Probably, someone spread rumors that the teachers except champagne with chocolates do not use! Do not believe them! It's vile insinuations !! In general, when I got home, our hostel section was empty, except for a married couple .  Despite the fact that I lived here for six months, almost no one talked, shared kitchen appeared once a week to collect water in the kettle, except for the moments when Birdie was with me .  And it is here that we met, so to say, closer .  Aunt Galya suggested holding the old year and made a bottle of shampoo, we settled in the kitchen .  During the first conversation containers discreetly vanished, and I went for the second, the benefit of this stuff in the refrigerator in bulk - seven bottles .  The second also went well and within an hour I was ready to celebrate the New Year on the eyebrows .  When I doplelis to Karina, it is almost all done and nagged at me as a wife to her husband guilty .  By twelve o'clock all the bubbles out of my head weathered and drink even longer wanted .  Karina pofigizmu my indignant: "No, this is killing me calm man in five minutes New Year, and she slowly, painted! "Under the chimes of the TV, we raised their glasses and as has become a tradition, each put forth your heart's desire .  Happy New Year!! What is waiting for me in the new year? I do not know .  "The main thing to get involved in the fight, and then we'll see out there" - so my grandfather said Suvorov .
In the new work, I had a lot to learn, in particular, cutting plotter, printing rizografe .  With the technique I've always managed to find a common language, and all this mess I liked .  The only thing that gave me hard work by "stepping on your throat," as it is "cold calls" .  To persuade someone that they work with us, it was disgusting .  Since I'm in that area quite new, it decided not to make hasty conclusions and learn all the tricks of marketing .  The agency, which is in me has managed to get there, to position itself as the Republic of Armenia "TOP", the production of a full cycle advertising, which, of course, was a complete nonsense .  This screaming all agencies and happily sat on the pen orders, that is, if the client needs to tachkovere cards, and we have no silk screen, we will order them re the one who has the equipment .  Hence the price of all the printed materials in the city .  In our case, there was only the presence of large-format printing, which was in Novorossiysk, and plotter, the operator and installer, and a manager in the same person of which I am .  Another was my supervisor, Veronica .  We immediately became friends with her and went without any preamble, "to you" .
In my possession was the unlimited internet access. And the first thing I do is create an email account, from where Vite offers single short notes at intervals of five to six days, he basically did not react. But I did not care, I had a goal, almost a mission: to get the evidence to his internal organs, which did not give me rest. What kind of body I do not know, but certainly not what you think. For two weeks he ignore my messages, I accumulated a lot of emotions from the constant expectation that poured in one letter:
"Hi. I still love you. There is a cure for this disease? ) So much I want to tell you, but ... we have a nonsense. Sometimes I really do not think I'm going crazy. Imagine the scene: there is a girl on the street and talking ..)) with itself .. In recent years, increasingly pulls himself, fear for his fragile psyche. I'm really going crazy ... without you, you ... ask yourself, "What the fuck are you in love with him? It was just magical sex, everything else is darkness! " Yes. It happened in spite of, rather than thanks. Do me the world was collapsing, the daughter was taken, my family wanted to break my leg, so I was going nowhere, and I was happy then. It is a pity that did not happen ... Your phrase "You're just like me, and I'm just helping you ..." I was crushed. Trying to somehow heal their wounded pride, so mangled wood, even I do not want to remember. (When I came to myself that I do it worse, it was too late).
Now everything exactly in my life. Jobs, Birdie, girlfriends ... It's all right, just do not have enough human) heat ..)) or tea ..))) I am without it, "tea" is almost 10 months ... really, this does not die ..))) And if so happened that my body just wants you, and your head is thinking about you, the soul or heart, what's inside? )), Is waiting for you, then I will not be anyone ... is love.
I'm sure a year or three-plus it will pass ..) Moreover, I hope so ... because it's not normal. Although normally I never suffered ... But it is not about that right now. Why am I writing this to you? ) I always write when you longing for the flow beyond my pride, but now it is so. And it will pass ... it myself so soothing. Be happy, huh? Here we are, girls, inconsistent.))) I know that is not the answer. And you should not.) Because as far as I want our meeting, so I'm afraid ... Let it remain as it is ...)) or rather "nothing." Dry up, fall off by itself ...)))) itself on a rzhu ... not to roar, it pisses me off this female emotion !! Simply to be a boy: saw-wanted-made case -Follow ... and no emotion about nervomotstva ...)) So many times promised myself never again do not write ... so I will not say goodbye ...)))) "
I was almost sure that this letter will remain unanswered, but I doubt still gnawed and waiting as always to squeeze the last drop .  With work, I came almost dead .  And still the question with a garden was opened for Birdie .  To finally close it, I had to go to the Directorate, which manages all structural divisions in the "fairy tale" .  From there I was sent to my manager, to clarify the situation .  Svetlana and this time do not miss the opportunity to reproach me in my irresponsibility .  How long rant about what she and her mother is also a pity my child, and the only reason Birdie remains in the garden .  I barely restrained to keep from screaming out loud "Hurrah! "Agreed to all the conditions that brought it to me, is a miracle for some! The girls worked for years to the children went into the garden, and I was a year otmuchilas! Later, former colleagues secretly told that actually bird left in the garden because I was given preferential ticket, I'm from Krymsk, and all the inhabitants of this little town were Deadhead .  Truly - a blessing in disguise!
But back to my letter .  Victor, apparently realized that I do not have his phone number, so I wrote a text message .  Well, right? Ten days later! "Hey, Marina," - I read .  Why Marina? He never called me by my name, and if they spoke to me, only the "sun" .  It is very convenient that the names not to be confused, and called all zayami sun, nice girls and boys less golovnyakov .  And, yes, in the electronic signature box is not automatically removed, it is necessary to fix .  Correspondence was short, four posts, how are you and all that, over and out .  I do not lose heart, there is a room, on a matter of time .  Now get him his scribble was easier .  About to call him, and speech could not go, I was shaking like a message from before the exam and what happens to me when I hear his voice? Even afraid to imagine! SMSes wrote almost every day, the answers came rarely, and all around it was clear, but not for me! My brain is like a reality .  I do not believe that on the day of lovers, he wrote to me that now is a favorite, and I spoiled it a romantic moment .  What might be the favorite if you deny the existence of love, as it is ?! I guess I'd still finishing off, had another appointment, which, as expected, did not take place .
The work gained momentum, and the first orders .  I will never forget how I was cutting manually Stickers! All customers need as usual yesterday and immediately unconscious! And what's interesting !? Not that I myself met this roll of forty meters of, from Novorossiysk, and then crept up to three nights with a ruler and a knife on the floor, so they took him away three days later! The strangest thing that not a single cut was not me as cutting, piercing items generally can not give up! But the left hand somehow became sick and swollen .  With the pain I went through the week until Veronica has not sent me to the emergency room .  When the doctor saw my hand, the tumor was gone, but the pain became intolerable .  And how many were children's delight, "you just look like an acute form of ... . "Then followed ornate medical term that I do not even bother to remember .  When I asked what it was, I was told just - washerwoman syndrome, stress and hypothermia tendons .  Tell me who do not believe - I'm just holding the line, though five o'clock in a row, and then washed his hands in ice water .  Like? That's why the hand rolled in plaster, from the elbow to the fingers, and prescribed complete rest .  Well, it was splints, one day, I took it off and put on only on the job because there was no rest .