The love story I still love you

The next morning, I woke him up SMS-ka "hello" .  If I say I fell out of bed, going to believe? And in vain, because it was .  "Can I ask you a question" .  Of course, anything! This I got excited ... "How many men have you been following me? "I long to decide what to say, thinking may lie once in your life? And what a difference to him at all, as they were after, maybe even ask how many there were before? "Hi, are you think? "Yes, I know this anecdote, there is dear, all have been counted and measured .  "I understand that the figure is the value? "I sent an introduction, followed by a straight answer" 9 " .  Pause between SMS dragged on, then I burst out, "I tried to erase you, and did not understand that it is useless! "" Why useless? "" Because I still love you, "then all of" snot "I went to wash, not to mesmerize the phone waiting for a response from him .  And the answer came by itself, literally, of course, I do not remember, "How could you fall in love? I did not do anything for it! We can see, but I will never live with you, you want it? "" Yes, "I agree to all! I want this meeting to understand, maybe I myself came up with? And if you do not come up? How will I go on living without him? Will? After all, the proverb "time heals" in my case, too, was a fiasco! A wise man wrote that "time dulls the pain that you reward of life, but does not cure! You can not rely on time to erase, to forget what happened, it is impossible .  It will be with you always! Time simply erases the boundaries once vivid memories " .  With me these faces every month only become more acute, causing each passing day without it unimaginable suffering .
But now I enjoy correspondence with him, I think it was mutual. We are "friends" in social networks and spent almost the whole day, as it was then, when I was married and lived in Krymsk. I finally restored order in his room, it shall come! We agreed on Friday to her only three days .... They stretched endlessly! And finally the day has come, I think I have never been so going on a date, one make-up were spent at least an hour, wearing a little black dress, studs ... But in response to silence ...
I do not understand why all this? Why are these SMSes, phone calls, promises? What for? Looking at myself in the mirror, I saw, though thin, but it is an attractive woman, picked up the phone and took a photo of himself to history. Pixels in the built-in camera for clear images was not enough, had to pokoldovat in "Photoshop", but no graphics program could not remove the sadness from my eyes. I uploaded the photo to the page, where we spent so many hours Vitya .... The last six months I forbade myself to cry, but now allowed. Why not write to me in case of emergency, that you have does not work, or even to think of something? !! By his silence he tormented me in there! I fell asleep in tears with them, and woke up the whole day flowed from my eyes water. I am nothing could stop the type of food nauseated, outside drizzling rain, too ...
By the end of the day something clicked in my head, do not you answer my messages? I, too, will be silent! That decision inspired me awake appetite, which was not long ago, parents had wanted me to treat anorexia. Too bad they did not see the delight with which I was eating spaghetti with pickled gherkins! In this state, I was able to hold out until Monday. In our life, everything is natural, after rising is declining. I was afraid that I will pull back to the bottom, from which I recently got out, though it was salutary for me then now go back, oh, they do not like! To avoid falling into the abyss, two days I used various Motivational, which previously had neither the strength nor the desire. By the third day, I felt the futility of their efforts, I was sucked back to where we are with him and happy. Soon the world will be one of my shell ...
I kept my word itself before him - did not write it, but just write for myself I was not forbidden! The need for "writings" I have opened in adolescence, because it seemed that no one understands you, and thanks to my diaries, my mother even knew something about being his daughter .  His fingers rattled on the keys, I wrote as the Chukchi, I see, then print .  The phone rang, Vita probably got bored, I did not respond, continuing to type .  In social networks, there were several messages from him, like "ay, where are you? "" Well, I'm sorry, I'll fix "and, damn it! Flower! Kapets, you do no one confused ?! I do not like flowers, neither alive nor virtual !! And you and I talked about it, though, and for a long time, could remember - not every girl so treat colors! And he put the class on the very same photo, which I did in the battered feelings .  Here I could not stand it! "Enough to fuck my brain! "Rude of course, but is compatible with what is happening .  He once again called, and my determination not to take the tube began to melt ... .  Well, where is my pride? And, yes, I had an argument with this stupid, but who of us can even fool bet .  I finished writing the letter, which was not meant to read it, but it was sent:
"Hi.)) ... I want to have sex with you. Along the way, I want too much ...))) I do not understand what's the problem? I have never written to you, I want to live with you ... I will not live with you or with anyone else ... I like this hemorrhagic FIG is not needed! I was there, and I've had enough.)) I want to meet, but regularly ... It's probably too much ...)))) Although ... once or twice a week, that's fine ... I would be fine.) )))
I also want to answer you questions that you asked me ... You really did nothing for me to love ... but on the contrary, during this time, you're my fucking brains, normal for a long time would have sent you to x * k and lived would itself further ... But I Marina ...))) if I have something in my head will climb ... PPV. If I knew why I was so drawn to you ... that's for you, I would have turned off this option in the default setting ... but nothing helps ... any time ... nor your frills ... nothing.
Therefore, my dear, I love you madly ... but this time to stop the madness ... You know what I now have weight? Provided that in March, I weighed 56 kg ... Now my weight is 49 ... Another such a nervous breakdown, and Birdie will remain without a mother ... I was you on the x * p ... baby pity .. Waiting for you today ... I do not come, draw conclusions.
Any questions? ) "
Yes. I know. It was hysterical with undisguised blackmail pure water, besides richly spiced with profanity. The girl does not stick well expressed, but still loved to send, but blah! It worked!! Victor immediately dialed my number, and this time I picked up the phone.
- What do you mean, the conclusion ?! I leave in ten minutes! - How do I waited for these words! But when the bright prospects flashed before my eyes, there was an urgent need to hide in the closet! And nasty little thought - maybe this time lying? But just in case you need to freshen up .  Have you ever tried to make up the same eyes with shaking hands for ten minutes? And I did it! True, this time I did not wear a little black dress, as they say - passed! I pulled on shorts and a T-shirt stretched favorite, the main thing that was convenient .  For everything I have had no more than forty minutes .  Damn, his feet do not have time to shave! Well, okay, I do not fault that he is such a sudden ?! I went to the window that looked out into the yard and saw Victor asks the old man from the next section, a number of this house .  Hmm, hair became longer and whiskey if removed, will generally be cool ... .  I have not seen like shaking a leaf, but I will likely shook so! Stay calm and carry on!! ... It is useless legs gave way, there was no coordination in space at all! Keep me seven! The emotions that I extinguished all these long months, climbed out, and I did not have the strength to somehow cope with it .  Neither living nor dead, I trudged on bent into the street, taking a garbage bag, this good for nearly a week has accumulated plenty of blues .  Heading toward the garbage cans, I tried in vain to see him, dialed his number herself!
- Well, where do you go? - A trembling voice, I bleated.
- I mean, what happened? That you're going to waste? - At the same time I asked Victor.
- Yeah, - I said, almost falling from the fullness of sensations .  I turned .  Indeed, Victor parked black SUV, and looked at me, but would not trip over !! I also still have to go to meet him, and I forgot how to breathe! Victor got out and waited for me until I stumbled .  Here's .  I'm at arm's length from him, and he closely examines me from head to toe, the desire to hide in a closet effort! And I think I said it out loud! Since the cabinet was not around, I hid behind his back .  Looking at his shoulders, he wanted to cuddle and hang, to become a small, bury his nose in his neck ... .  But he looked in his eyes was read surprisingly bright .  Earth from under your feet somewhere to run away, urgently needs to find support .  Car! Hood is quite satisfied, so what that dirty thing is not to fall! Victor noticed my electronic cigarette, laughed and offered nasushit walnut leaves .  Throughout faced with such an attitude to my addiction: everyone thinks it is just air, in vain, to the question "help? "I always suggest to try .  I was amused, as smokers are beginning to experience coughs and wipes away a tear to the eye, because of habit inhale the smoke, and that couples in which the nicotine content is acceptable and pleasant aftertaste, and not stink .
I understood, he came with a clear conviction that it would be "tea", and by this action personally, I was not ready. Even if have time to shave legs, my emotional stress is unlikely to be allowed to respond adequately! It is a little upset when I naplela bunch of "excuses", such as "I have a mess, and neighbors who have very sensitive hearing," truth in this was, therefore, lies not considered !! We got into the car, then I drew attention to it:
- For some reason I thought that it would be white, - I remembered my dream.
- Why white? - I tried to argue Victor, but I interrupted.
- You said yourself that the machine must be either white or black, and the ride on the silver! "And then only on the passport" - I pulled out of his memory of his statement. Victor smiled answer my attack, he could not. There was a pause. Oh, you have something to say, do not be silent as the dejected, I admonished herself.
- And why glass unrendered? - I found that ask ....
His eyes narrowed, and he went on to explain that without tinting you are not interesting for the police, but when he went to the KIA, a pack of penalties lying. Yeah, I thought the same thing you were talking about the car, which was up Kia, it is not acquired radar. The problem is not tuning, and who was driving. Another pause, damn it, what to say ?! I offered to bring coffee into the car, he smiled: "What, you want to blame? "Is it so much, I was surprised. "Well, tell me how life" - the theme proposed Victor. What do you tell how I raved you all these two years that we have not seen? Or maybe about how I cut myself a slice of the finger, and then lost consciousness? Also not that ...
- There's nothing to tell, all the usual work-home-work - as she could continue our conversation. The conversation flagged, the brain began to boil from the questions that I wanted to hear the answers, and the tongue stuck to the palate but monosyllables could not squeeze out of yourself. Fifteen minutes later our small talk I felt that I was starting to go, the hand is not shaking, like an alcoholic binge after a week, and occurred within me uneasy, but calm.
Why would Vitya came a brilliant idea to poke my finger in the ribs, I do not know if nostalgia for our predpostelnoy fight tortured? Or he was tired of watching me all the shiver of fear, in general, he did nothing. When I woke up the beast, and certainly not the hare. We are locked his hands, Victor tried to free his hand, but I could not because I was so strong, but because I was in the heat of passion, in this state, people are doing this!
- What, in addition to heavier spoon holds nothing? - Before thinking, I blurted out. What are you talking about? Quickly take it back! Late in his eyes darkened, I got to hike desyatochku. I do not know how long it lasted, his hands already hurt from bruises and scratches. He probably realized that I was not going to give up, since continued to resist, so out of the car and lit a cigarette. I already knew that when he comes back, say "goodbye". What kind of idiocy I was attacked? I imagine it's different! And it turned out as a joke, which has not yet been invented. Well, "meeting on the Elbe" was held, would be better if it did not exist!
- Vit, I want to have sex when you were coming? - I plucked up the courage to say it out loud when he returned.
- Are you still decided to talk to me? - He could not help but smile.
To be honest, on my lapse of memory, but I remember how I got out of the car sharply headache, urgently need to eat about three o'clock in the afternoon, and in addition a cup of coffee in me nothing was .  What a nightmare! God, what have I done! Once in his room, alone with his own remorse, he sat on the floor, to interpret and sort through our fucking meeting .  But I do not have time to do it .  Victor sent sms-ku for the SMS-Coy, and then a two-hour correspondence in social .  Network with reproaches addressed to me that even kiss him did not give! I have been convinced themselves that do not need it, that I did not have even thought of such a desire on his part .  In response to its questions and asking her, gently but surely, we got on the topic of "why did he then comes and goes" .  Everything was painfully trivial, unknown value in the equation became known - a girl .  It turns out that all this time, I napisyvala him, he was living with a woman, because of which changed the work and place of residence ... .  Why not say right? His answer is simply smeared me: "We are with you then do not communicate what I had to, to report to you? "No, of course, should not ... .  In my head all mixed up, nauseated from itself and from what is happening in general .  "It's not change anything? "- I asked Victor .  And it can change? Two years of my life waiting for you? So much has been done, said, written ... and it is also nothing has changed for you .  The last details of his personal life we ​​had figured out already on the phone, and when the connection was lost, I was even relieved .  In embracing a pillow he waited until dusk, head stopped popping like maracas, now you can eat, or rather should be .  Victor threatened to come the next day and something to do with me, that we have already heard, it will reach it?
12
In the morning I received a sms-ku "honey I'm sorry, does not work", I'm pretty sure yeah, of course, on Friday you will, just like on Thursday, and on any other day of the week. Play with me like a cat with a mouse, but what excitement? Cat after having played enough, be sure to eat or strangle her and throw as unnecessary, and that they will do with me? Why is he doing this? Why is that? I looked at his hands, which were generously covered with bruises, and came to a disappointing conclusion for himself: Victor will cut me to ribbons, and I'll die of happiness .... Only a fool can love so easily forgive. And I'm tired of all this to understand: why, what, what! This theorem does not require proof, because it is an axiom. Just accept the fact that I love him anyway, and try to somehow live with it on.
"I do not know why I'm writing this ... most likely you this letter will never read it, just have a physical need to tell you ... But there is no way .  After all, you still do not have .  I'm so tired ... wait for you ... You are not ... you are, but you do not .  My brain is trying to expand the information on the shelves, but from the letter to the meeting from start to SMSes .   there is always a mess .  Emotions are different every minute .  Full instability .  I want to send you, but I start to feel physical pain .  You know, never suspected of such feelings .  Actually did not think so, you can love a person and want to .  Rather, I'm lying to myself that I do not want to live with you ... it's nice to wake up with the person you love ... But I see it differently: to be together - it is also possible to do all together .  To sleep, to cook, to play the fool, get out of the apartment, beat pillows, to arrange lotteries ... nice jokes, cracking ice cream, go shopping, to the movies ... and anywhere else where couples go to normal for the purpose of a break from everyday life .  But do not burden each other's duties .  That's the golden mean ... I wonder, is this possible in reality ... or is my utopian fantasy? Another ... all my fantasies are related to you .  How to get out of this vicious circle? Love you, Kot ... really miss, come, I'm waiting for ... it's still waiting for " .
Birdie rescued me, it was almost all summer Lesha, and now came back, and I decided that before a month, they will not see it. I woke up from the dream in reality, and enjoy communication with his daughter. We bought a red-eared sliders, the seller said that they live a long time, check the cat died three weeks later.
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