Maya and rigger, the love that inspires

Sasha lied, I tried to bring it to clean water. Scandals have become so familiar to us that it seemed could not be otherwise. Sometimes all tired and I pretended to believe in all the lies he told me touted. Tranquility for long enough, and I again and again frustrated.

Once Sasha came home in the morning, blood gushing from his hand .  Another given me a promise fiasco .  Criminal life could not leave him, her or it .  That night I could not find a place, could not sleep at night .  An eerie, unpleasant, paralyzing feeling coming from the depths .  I have no idea where he is doing, I knew it, felt .  Even I decided to write him a letter before his return .  I thought that because he understands me better .  I wrote cried, he cried reading .  Permeated each other tenderly, Sasha firmly gripped my arms and confused insisted that now everything is realized .  Approaching the house, he realized that we could lose, and much of it frightened .  A miracle happened and the police have not disturbed .  In another case .  When either a miracle helped, whether by fate saved the trouble .  We Nastya, as always waiting for our dad went for a walk .  We sat on the playground when Sasha called and said that soon will suit us .  After calling time has passed decently .  The street was cool, but I continued to sit on the bench in her tracks, waiting for something .  When I came home, we found in the bathroom Denis, Sashka's buddy colony .  Sasha himself was very excited and I could not really explain anything .  It turned out, as we walked to Sasha on a business trip and outstretched fists frequented by visitors .  And once again, removing the noodles from the ears, I continued to believe that things will change .  Sasha did not even bother, what would invent something more believable than what he told me .  They say people are simply wrong, and the one they were looking for was just simply his namesake round .

That's how we live, Me, Nastya and our little secret.

Once he admitted that taking drugs, the recognition took place, as usual, a few steps deception. First, he said that takes something light, in the end it turned into a slight heroin. Previously, all the troubles and problems in our relations dumped on the fence between us and the bars on the windows, is now to blame the drugs. Sasha swore that he wants to tie, only asked not to leave and to help him. He said that if it becomes very difficult, he goes to the hospital. I am sure that the hospital had all agreed, paid. Variations in pay every day there were new. That, he said that everything take care of Aunt Tomar, his stepmother. That allegedly worked there friend of his mother, which is warning in advance and everything arranged in the best possible way. Well kraynyak, a banquet was paying our generous state.

But as soon as I agreed to stay, promising to engage with the drug has lost its relevance. Certainly Sasha pricked my eyes. And of course every day assured me that for a long time did not take the dose. But we both know that ...

There were occasional gaps when I will only speak for myself, I was happy .  When I feel loved .  When we could just talk without complaints and reproaches, to do something together at home, walking with a child .  In the end, annoying neighbors with loud sounds, but do not abuse, and passion .  These days can be counted on the fingers of one hand, but precisely because of them, I still can not forget that man .  They suddenly interrupted all of that nightmare in which we live .  They returned the hope and belief that I am not mistaken, and not in vain once, on the last day of summer, the stranger answered the phone .  With these thoughts, I fell asleep and woke up in the familiar surroundings .  Calls Sashenyh homies from the area, his departure is not known where in the evening the next portion lies, swearing, fighting .  Oh yes, and we have already begun to fight .  Though Sasha and promised me that he would never raise his hands on me, and indeed for him to beat a woman taboo .  Throughout his life, he gave only once slapped a girl, and something that would bring her to life .  Well, he looked at me, you can tell even got a taste .  In the beginning every time he apologized, saying that he was possessed by a demon .  And then I decided that it is not necessary to excuse .  The accused all over me .  By the way, he never confessed to the beating, I myself stumbled, accidentally fell and bruised - it's just a sensitive skin, it is just simply I gently touched, and the skin had turned blue .

Of course I'm with anybody about it did not say. I was ashamed.

When it became quite unbearable, I came on as day to her mother, under various pretexts. Sometimes Sasha was taking me back to the world, sometimes with war. In the second case, without any embarrassment, he allowed himself to rudeness and crudeness against me and my mother. With tact, Sasha was all the stress, if he was unhappy than it is expressed. How in such moments, I wanted to sink into the ground, but the only thing I could do at that point is to go with him. It is true there was one case when we all still come to the police.

For several days, Sasha was not asked for my phone and .  I asked once, twice .  And the longer it began to take without asking .  Saying that five minutes will disappear for the whole day .  Leaving me with a child without money and without a connection, and there is as locked .  In my application, "and if something happened," he calmly replied, "What nonsense are you talking about, what happens to you" .  Well, that day the conflict was also on this basis .  My mother came to visit, again saw our elegant relationship .  And I was asked to go to her .  She stayed with Nastya on the street, and I got up on things .  Then get out of the apartment could not, Sasha have closed and put the key .  From the balcony, I asked my mother to call the police .  We arrived, took us two .  They brought to the department, told to wait .  The precinct we did not wait, take time off .  But that day has not ended .  At home we again visited the police .  Sasha hysteria that he had stolen the child, that his Tesza crazy, and I especially want to get rid of daughters, and of other nonsense .  I do not know how I managed to restrain .  And I do not imagine how hard it was to my mother to take us safely and then release it back .  Yes, we took the child and left to themselves .  Many call me a fool goner, I say so to me, and it is necessary, is to blame .  But I still continued to love this man .  Or what I came up with myself about it .  I loved that child, which he said .  Little Sasha with bruises and abrasions .  Sasha participating in school skits, Sasha plays football in the summer in the village selling strawberries .  In the real world, despite the truth, I was living with a drug addict, a criminal, to which the zone will remain a priority, and a complete liar .

Now I recall cases when Sasha tried to live differently .  For example, when he called and said, I have a bit of money on flowers and champagne to apologize to your mother .  Or the occasion when he showed me his own was bound by the latch on the door .  Little things, but they were important to him .  As well as hiking in the grocery store when he proudly he was paying at the checkout .  And he was proud of me brought by labels .  The store took action, 60 of labels you were given a mug and a stuffed toy, we collected three clubs .  Twice he took his daughter to the doctor, what is also very proud to mention that at the time felt it necessary in the present .  And of course I will not forget the rare case when I was glad of his illness, Sasha surprisingly managed to take care of and behind me and baby .  He said that during those rare moments he is a true .  And when he had me sent, missing hair, barking at passers-by in a deranged state takes all the money, prosazhivaya them in vending machines, and God knows where, results of drug addicts in the house where his daughter, which require compensation of debt, those moments, he is not himself .  And if I do not understand it, then what you can do with me talking .  Simply throw the phone and let them worry, it does not matter that the milk is lost and hungry child .  All these are nothing compared to the problems Sashenymi . He likes to offer themselves, not noticing that trampled on the feelings of people close to him .  Of course then, they are native people to understand everything and forgive .

So what is love? Forgiveness? The feeling that makes the holiday weekdays? Banal things such as such as a late dinner on the balcony at three o'clock in the morning, or a joint laundry bring childishly sincere joy just because you're next.

How everything was easy. Make plans, dream, and most importantly to believe that everything will come to pass. But in reality it is much more difficult than in a telephone conversation, or on a piece of paper.

What's the story might end? ... In the life of our heroes were still many challenges and ordeals, they came together and parted again, and again reconciled quarreled, hated, lost, trying to build something new, but every time they returned to the they can not live without each other. And one fine day, after another separation, joyous child's voice chirped: "Mom, Dad has arrived! "...

On Saturday night, August 11, 2013 the phone rang, the display shows the name Sasha: "I was sent to prison again soon ..."